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Writing Prompt

WRITING OBSTACLE

Submitted by Katelyn Jane

Write a chapter of a self-help book written by the absolute worst person to receive this kind of advice from.

What kind of awful advice might be found here?

Writings

bloody nose

‘It is quite unfortunate that this generation of young men and women seem to be completely unable to control their temper.


It seems as if the moment they see something that ticks them off they cannot control themselves and go ballistic.


To quote Aaron Burr from the hit musical Hamilton, as someone who has faced such vexing circumstances in my career before, it is always important to hold your c...

How To Handle Conflict Like A Rabid Raccoon

Chapter 4: “How to Handle Conflict Like a Rabid Raccoon”

From the best-selling book: “Crush Life (And Maybe a Few Relationships)” by Chad “AlphaStorm” Braggins




Let’s be real—conflict is for losers. And winners. Mostly winners, because we’re the ones who START IT.


Someone cuts you in line?

Growl. Show dominance.

Bonus points if you’re holding a protein shake.


Roommate didn’t do the dishes?

Rep...

What Next

Do you want to be alone? Are you tired of couples holding hands and smooching every where you look? Well, look no further! These three simple rules will help you avoid love at all costs. Step 1. Go to the grocery store. Step 2. Borrow your mom and dads credit card. Step 3. Purchase food and drinks with their 401k and don’t leave your room- EVER.


Don’t worry! If your parents really miss you then ...

Be A Friend

How to be a friend simple, don’t...

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3
How To Get Everyone To Like You

So you’re a lonely person( And let’s face it, you’re lonely) in a harsh world and you don’t know what to do or say to make people like you. Well lucky for you, you’ve come to the right place, my friend. Here are 5 easy steps to always be happy and get everyone to like you.


STEP 1- Become The Coolest Person In School


I mean, come on, everyone LOVES the coolest, most important person at school. It...

Leave

So, you want to sOlve youR problems? then leave. people think you’Re annoying? isolate yourself! people are not listening to Your boundaries? leave them. people are making you want to flee your city? leave!

leave nothing behind. go without a trace. maybe one goodbye letter.

leave your “friendS” as they dOn’t understand you.

leave this woRld as all your pRoblems are here.

goodbye, goodbYe....

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Final Chapter: It’s All In Your Mind

**Disclaimer: satire**




Well, we’ve reached the end of this wonderful journey together. And what have we learned? Something simple yet life-changing: it’s all in your mind. Yes, I’m serious. Those neurons of yours, firing and rewiring like Christmas lights, are the ones deciding whether you’ll be successful, happy, or just unlucky. You believe me, right?


Throughout these pages, I’ve hammered ho...

How To Be Cocky, Lonely, And Depressed

CHAPTER ONE: THE KEY TO ‘LOVE’


Life isn’t about how much you enjoy life, it is about how much you accomplish for yourself.

Take love, for instance, it isn’t real; it is more about seeing how it will benefit you and using it to your advantage.

See, I always thought that love was a waste of time, and if it doesn’t lead to something I would want—than it might as well be.

I was in love once—a...

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A Warlocks Tale

I feel I’ve gotten a pretty good handle on the idea of ‘happiness’ but I’ll let you be the judge of that. As so often my life is judged.


To start with anything you first must not have it. You do this by having awful parents, bonus if they were never there at all. Make sure your childhood sucks, memories to look back on and say “yep, definitely better than that.”


Second, without a parental figur...

MISERY, MY MATE

(PLEASE DO NOT FOLLOW THIS ADVICE, IT’S ALL SATIRE!)


Chapter One:

The Do’s


Misery: a state or feeling of great distress or discomfort of mind or body.


Misery seems to be something everyone has in common today. The whole world has seemed to develop anxiety, depression, or another mental health disorder. Suicide rates are scary, and murder rates are even scarier.

Yet we li...