I want to kiss her

I do

But I can’t

Im not allowed

Thats not me

Im not gay, right?

But I want to hold her

Cuddle her

Be with her

What’s wrong with me?

Why can’t I like only boys?

My family will kill me

I can’t like girls too

That’s wrong

Illegal, a sin

But I want to

I do

I can’t though

I have to resist...

It’s official

I’m addicted to you

The way you smell

And the way you act

But no matter how hard we try

Or how much we work for it

And unlike a fairytale

We won’t get or happily ever after

Our love will be denied

No matter where we go

I’m sorry for leaving

I love you forever...

If I could’ve been you

Then why would I want to

Your life seemed perfect on the outside

But I could see what

You tried so desperately to hide

You told everyone that you’re fine

Weaving a mask out of lies

The shame growing like a tumor

But you always had a great sense of humor

Almost like you were frozen

At the age you were broken

You tried to fix it

But they wouldn’t listen

You grabbed the knife...

Hands itching to freely move,

Cuffed wrists to control myself,

There’s nothing much I can do,

If I let myself go loose,

_Try, do not cry, close your eyes, stay mute, _

_Stray away from the forbidden fruit._

Yet it’s embedded in my mind,

Stitches too tight to tear out,

Arms wide out for the divine,

Divine that can ruin my life.

_Fight, fight, it’s excruciating but right,_

_Look away in the sun...

**TW: SH**

They told me healing would feel like sunshine

They didn’t mention the storms that come back uninvited

The storms I tried to conquer, silent and unseen

The ones that could’ve ended me

Even though there is still so much life to explore

And the sunshine which wasn’t all warm and bright

Sometimes I feel euphoria and am living my life and want to be here forever

Other days, I wake up and I ...

(TW: mentions of self harm. Wrote this one a long time ago.)

Don’t do it

Not again

Not today

It’s barely healed

You can’t let them know

If they know then

You’ll be gone

There will be nothing left of you

They’ll take you to a doctor to “fix” you

But they can’t erase the memories

Maybe they’ll give you pills to “help” you

But they can’t create joy

Only suspend it in midair

Just out of reach

And wh...

It’s right there. Just grab it.

No, I’m on my diet!

But… _it’s right there…_

__

I promised myself on my new year resolutions I would eat healthier!

_But it’s right there and I’m so hungry…_

__

It’s midnight, fool! Go to bed now!

_No… I’d rather stay up and pretend to be productive…_

__

You’re gonna be the end of me.

_I’ll be glad to be it, killjoy…_

__

Ugh.

_Hmph…_

(I have eaten ice cream multipl...

Its an itch

Its so hard to resist

I have to do it

Bounce

Bounce

Bounce

I bounce my leg

To relieve the dread

But it doesn’t really work,

Does it?

I often feel in the wrong

Or as if someone is mad

Are they really mad?

Or is it a trick my mind plays?

Either way I say sorry

I say sorry too much

sorry

sorry

sorry

But people roll their eyes

I can’t stop saying sorry

I promise ...

I stare at my phone with burning eyes

Your haunting text in all its glory stares back at me with an impish smile

You’re mocking me without lifting a finger

It hasn’t been a month or a year, but a week

The wound is still fresh, in desperate need of stitches

Or rather, attention

The painful words ring deep in my soul

_We shouldn’t see each other anymore_

_I don’t see us as long-term_

It’s like the ...

I cannot find a place to get away from all the sound.

Everywhere I try to go is just so fucking loud.

It bleeds into my lungs and it makes it hurt to breathe.

And the only thought that I can think is that I want to leave.

To escape the booming, deafening sound.

To find a way to stick around.

My throat is sore, my body aches.

I don’t know how much more I can take.

I try to fight and yell and sc...