POEM STARTER
Submitted by Lola
Write a poem about trying to resist temptation.
Recovery isn’t linear
**TW: SH**
They told me healing would feel like sunshine
They didn’t mention the storms that come back uninvited
The storms I tried to conquer, silent and unseen
The ones that could’ve ended me
Even though there is still so much life to explore
And the sunshine which wasn’t all warm and bright
Sometimes I feel euphoria and am living my life and want to be here forever
Other days, I wake up and I don’t want to be here
And somewhere in between are thoughts of relapse
The thoughts that dread me
The intrusive thoughts which make me feel like I should
But I shouldn’t really
I need to stop
I need to stop now
But how?
Thoughts are one thing but undergoing the act you said you’d never do again is another
Who am I kidding?
With healing broken skin, I see faint white marks, covering where my heart broke
And where all the blood escaped from
The memory lingers as I try to shake it off my mind
Recovery is possible, but it’s difficult
Especially if when you have a bad day, the first thought that creeps into your head is breaking the cycle
I have been free of the weapon for the longest time so I will try my best to retain the urge
But it’s harder than words can say
You’re so used to doing it often and c****** deep enough into your delicate skin
So when you stop, you feel empty
It’s like it gives you endorphins and a weird sense of contentment
When it’s taken away from you, it’s hard to not think about it from time to time
But it’s not necessarily about the time
It’s about fighting the urge
It’s about getting better
It’s about getting help
And most importantly it’s about healing
They will heal - and so will you
It just takes time