TW: mentions of self harm

i don’t plan to cut myself

but sometimes i wonder

how it feels,

i’ve seen my friends with them,

even recent ones,

and i wonder how they can do it

how they can be able to not get caught,

i wonder what they use

i wonder how it feels,

does it hurt? or is it sweet relief?

why would they do that?

part of me is curious

holding a knife to cut an orange,

and i think:

what would ...

it’d be so easy to fall for her

i can see it

going to every game of hers

wearing her hoodie

talking over homework

kisses under bleachers

holding hands through the halls

i long for something like that

but i still like him

but i could fall for her

if she didn’t have a girlfriend

and neither did he

i’m so confused

i just want love

maybe i’ll have it

i don’t know anymore...

sometimes it’s like

i’m swaying on my feet

i know im not,

at least i don’t think i do,

the ground tilts beneath my feet

and dots sparkle in my vision

it’s that unbearable type of pain that you can’t feel

the kind that you want to find an excuse for

but you can’t

because it isn’t pain necessarily

it’s not anything

but you want to cry,

cry because you feel like you’re moving through jello

cry becau...

i remember seeing you for the first time

fresh out of a breakup

and i was looking for someone new

i remember seeing you

i remember hearing your nickname,

i thought you were cute,

but ultimately i forgot

i remember seeing you for the first time,

i didn’t think id fall so hard

but i remember seeing you for the very first time...

did you know

you ruined me,

you ruined me at 13

i gave you three chances

and you never changed

you ruined not only me,

you ruined the trust i’d worked so hard to get

you ruined my mindset,

my interests

the way i dressed

you RUINED me

what did you want from me?

i gave you everything

it wasn’t enough

i told you something was wrong,

but you the didn’t understand why i left

you ruined me

what were ...

i’ve spent less than 4 hours here

and i want to go home

though i mean, i wont tell

nausea is making my stomach churn

and my brain is pounding against my skull

it wants out

and i almost broke down

in the middle of the sidewalk

because it got so loud

and too bright

too many faces

and i’m so tired

i need to go home

i need to wrap myself in my blanket

and sleep for 12 hours

i need to leave this wretc...

i hate how nice he is,

i hate that he stood in front of the sun

when he saw it was bugging me

i hate that he helps me learn pep songs

i hate that he answers questions

i hate him

i hate the way he’s gentle

i hate the way he cares,

because he won’t let me get over him

he won’t be cruel

i just need to break away from this crush

because i will not except being in love

and he doesn’t like me back,

so w...

sometimes my friends make me sad

not because they did something,

it’s because they didn’t,

it’s because with him i barely talk,

silent calls and dead text strings

and with her,

she’s only someone to talk to

over text and in the classes we have together,

because she has others

and i don’t,

and him we talk, our friendship

ebbs and flows with time,

it happens to be strong now,

i hope it stays that w...

when you are bored in class,

think of ginger hair and green eyes

and freckles and a gentle face.

i bet that you think her hair is soft,

i bet you think her laugh is beautiful

i bet you think

she’s the best in the world

i bet you can’t focus on anything

when her hand is in yours

i bet you get butterflies when you kiss her

i bet i bet i bet

you love her,

even though it’s been three days,

i bet you w...