Where is my happiness

When do i get to feel?

Huh?

My dad looked at my bloody arm and said what happend

I fucking said I fell

AND BITCH I LEFT TO EAT

TO EAT!

and you cut yourself

Well so do it bitch

Fuck yourself

Its not cool to hurt me

WE COULD HAVE JUST TALKED

BUT NO I CANT TRUST YOU

YOU BROKE MY PROMISE AND YOU BROKE MY LIFE

I LOVE YOU BUT I ALSO HATE YOU.

You notice I cant "get a grip on my em...

In a world full of roses, you would be a lili.

A lili.

Another flower.

But more better.

Roses have thorns.

Lilies do not .

They are different but they are like the shining stars in an indigo sky.

I am your butterfly to your flower.

Your like a glow of lilies in the foggy sky.

I am yours.

You are mine.

My dear lili.

I hate seeing you cry.

But when the tears of love fall.

I cant help but giggle.

My ...

I HATE IT I

I HATE MYSELF

I SUCK

I blame my fucking issues on my problems.

Damn getting out of bed is hard but hurting people isnt

"Dying is easy living is harder" -Hamilton

Man I hurt myself what do you expect me to do.

Im just a....

Problem

1 friend yesterday

1 today gone.

1 more.

NO I CANT LOOSE YOU

DAMMIT I FUCKED IP

I CANT DO SHIT

I CANT TAKE IT

dont be surprised when im dead.

"Fuck you...

Im losing feeling.

What?

How is that possible.

I cant cry?

Tears dont fall out of my eyes?

I haven't cried for 3 months.

I've wanted too

Because it felt somewhat like a habit.

Im well aware im not okay.

But this messed up?

No no i can't hurt my self.

I may want to be like her but she's broken her promise many times.

I am not going to be like you.

You've hurt me by hurting yourself.

And when I lost...

Everywhere i look it's you.

The point is always well you...

In the clouds I see you.

I want to be you.

You hurt me by hurting yourself

You didnt know.

You did what I did 16 days ago

Its fine I'll have to live with it.

I wish I could step on my box

(Refrence from I love you comments)

I wish my box could help yours.

I might relapse but it fine

Let my box collapse so that you know your mine.

You dont...

Every time I look in the clouds i see us.

But never together.

I've seen you only once since we met.

But a million times on call.

Do I need to cancel my plans for you.

Id cancel my life for you a plan is the smallest I can do.

Like the boxes on my floor we can break easily.

I got stepped on.

You were my tape

You healed me.

But I will never be the same.

Than you got stepped on.

You didnt know what t...

Pains come and go

Everyone loves me

Yet im not their first choice

At least im loved i guess

But why love me?

You have your best friend(s)

Im a backup friend.

And my bestfriend has other people.

Im glad she does.

But she makes me jealous

She's so pretty

Funny

She's a memory

Someone you'd want to remember

Never remove.

How did I get her.

She got me

She should leave

I suck.

I WANT TO KILL MYSELF.

...

My life is rotting like a flower.

A flower may rotting and still smell sweet.

My bestfriends want to hurt themselves.

So do i.I.

Yet I have to act fine.

Im good at it.

Because when people make me "happy"

I cant stop.

Like I can't stop hurting me

6 days 17 hours since.

Keep me away from pencils.

But then how will I write?

Im rotting like a flower.

But all you can see is the sweetness of my smell

R...

Somedays pass with out a price to pay.

Others dont.

Somedays I just sit and lay

Others I want to kms but won't

Life is never one way.

Its always the others.

Let me be fine.

And not have to hold back the pencil to my skin.

For her

For them

For all of them

Multiple reasons to stay.

But not enough to prevent damage from the past and soon future.

Keep trying I say to myself constantly

"Itll be over ...

Jacob was only 16 had was considered lame and cool. Playing games with his friends like spin the bottle. Jamie, Alice, Marcus, Jake, him and, prudence. None of them knew eachother. They were yet all slightly drunk.

"Spin the bottle bitches" Jake yells

Jacob focusly spinned the bottle

"HAH NOW YOU HAVE TO KISS SOMEONE BITCH"jake yells

"Fuck you jackass" Jacob said back clearly annoyed.

"Me or jamie...