Pains come and go

Everyone loves me

Yet im not their first choice

At least im loved i guess

But why love me?

You have your best friend(s)

Im a backup friend.

And my bestfriend has other people.

Im glad she does.

But she makes me jealous

She's so pretty

Funny

She's a memory

Someone you'd want to remember

Never remove.

How did I get her.

She got me

She should leave

I suck.

I WANT TO KILL MYSELF.

IT SUCKS .

But you know "fake it til you make it"

That stupid ass quote

It fucking works?

And everytime I do shit it's stupid.

She's better at everything I do.

Better at being pretty

Better at art.

Better at being loveable

Shes just better.

Oh she overthinks

And it makes me look like a fool.

Makes it look like it's easy

should I overthink more.

Oh this will be fun

IM NEVER FUCKING ENOUGH.

theo why are you so good at everything

I HATE IT

JUST LEAVE ME.

YOU SHOULD BE HANGING OUT WITH THE SMART KIDS AS I LIE IN A DITCH.

Oh and im narcissistic.

And bipolar.

And i get called autistic

Its not funny

Its just a personality

And as I grow it gets worse and better it shifts.

I've had a anger problem since 3

And hated myself at 7

I loved first grade because the people were nice and I didnt know what to do.

But I used to cry so much id throw up.

Now scilent tears is all I get to do.

Its embarrassing to cry.

And it looks like im crying an hour afterwards.

Im a "slow healer" . I dont know what to do.

I dont know why im living but there was a reason. The reason might have been her. So im living for it.