Im losing feeling.

What?

How is that possible.

I cant cry?

Tears dont fall out of my eyes?

I haven't cried for 3 months.

I've wanted too

Because it felt somewhat like a habit.

Im well aware im not okay.

But this messed up?

No no i can't hurt my self.

I may want to be like her but she's broken her promise many times.

I am not going to be like you.

You've hurt me by hurting yourself.

And when I lost a friend today.

I felt like nothing happend?

What why?

She has "physical issues" she claims.

Physical and mental are the same but different.

I wanna die.

And if you want to my ex friend.

Hate to say it but im worried.

But you are just another stranger now.

And it's not up to me to feel about it.

But dont be a bitch, because bitches get blocked, and bitches try so hard they get hit with a glock

Don't be mean to me or yourself.

Infact ex friend I dont care what you do

Just dont do it to me.

All these stupid thoughts make me wanna scream.

I was so close to you.

Its not my fault for being to clingy

I stuggle with attachment issues now.

Now I dont let people touch my hair.

Nor my face.

Or hold my hand.

I used to love physical contact.

Now it's a fear.

I've gotten called "nonchalant" 2 times today.

They just only saw half of me.

Or the other one of me?

I dont know which one is me?

I want to scream.

My entire family says I need to be a better daughter and say that they've never met anyone as horrible as me... yea right... you made me....

And I can't do one little thing like get out of bed without feeling stressed or over whelmed.

I mean that has always affected me but..

Still...

It keeps getting worse

My whole family tells me to control my emotions like yelling that at me will help.

I wanna scream.

Where are my emotions?

How?

What do I do?

I dont hate myself.

Infact I love myself if you wanna put it that way.

I talk to myself just to hear my voice.

I hate my voice but that doesnt stop me from singing the high notes in these songs.

I even talk in my sleep is how much I talk.

I do it to much

Im the only one I will fully agree with.

Like on the fact

I think nothing is evil

Like what if it was reversed

What if life was the purge and the real purge was innocence and what we would consider normal today?

Its all a matter of perspective.

Man I have to many belifs.

And to many to put up with.

Ii want to be alive.

I mean i am physically

Not exactly mentally..

I dont want friends.

I only want 15 people to really be involved with and that includes my family

But friends?

I only want like 3

People who won't leave me

But they always do.

They get bored of me

And find any reason to leave me.

How do I save my self from falling to death mentally.

The scream of regret

The stream of tears I feel for the last time.

And the sight of your brown eyes for they last time.

Lost feeling..