I just want to feel something. Anything.

Love.

Hate.

Fear.

Joy.

Hope.

Despair.

Pain.

I don’t even mean to seek it,

And yet I do.

I go on a run when I wake up,

Telling myself I’ll eat when I get home.

But then I have summer school,

And assignments,

And it’s been so long that I might as well wait until lunch.

Just a little longer and I’ll feel like I did something great,

Like “look at me, see how long I can starve myself!?”

But no, that’s not what I’m doing,

Of course not.

I’m just busy.

But when will not eating be enough?

When will I need physical proof of my pain?

When will there be extra long showers and stinging tearing burning skin?

I’m only delaying the inevitable, like I’m delaying food.

Will it be enough?

Any of it?