Lysalei

I love books, music, and all things involving escaping reality. I’m a little messed up, but isn’t everyone? My posts are almost always fairly depressing, so there’s your warning. Have a nice day 🏳️‍🌈🫶

326

Writings

Followers

Following

Lysalei

326

Writings

Followers

Following

8 Lines

Lysalei

1 min read

Eight new lines on my leg

Like the games of 8-ball I always lose against her

Making peace with my failures

Because I’m only going to die anyway

My heart beat-beating

_I want to kiss her_

I bombed the science final

But next year I’ll be at a school for **science** and technology

I’m wondering if that’s okay

Wondering if I’m screwed

I’m playing with fire

Playing with life

With people

Yet I feel no g...

Poetry

Our Policy

Lysalei

2 min read

“Where’s your phone?”

_Shit_. “I’ve been having trouble sleeping, so I took it to bed with me last night.”

“You know that’s not our policy.“

- - -

Of course not.

No, our policy is “perfect.”

Our policy is “a B+ is going to screw over your life so if she pressures you obviously your grade will go up.”

Our policy is “don’t talk about liking girls unless you’re explaining why you didn’t share abo...

Poetry

Happy (With Her)

Lysalei

1 min read

“_My girl, my girl, my girl_

_You will be myy girlllll~_”

I can’t help but bounce as I walk home,

Despite my ridiculously heavy backpack.

I can’t help but smile,

Despite the test I failed.

I can’t help but feel _happy_,

Despite everything.

I’ve got her now.

_Her_,

Who knows all the darkness in my mind.

**Her**,

Who is different in the same ways I am.

**_Her_**,

Who I’d loved as a friend first f...

Poetry

That Smile

Lysalei

1 min read

_When you look up at me_

_And give that tiny little smile,_

_I die._

_You rip the breath out of my lungs,_

_My heart can’t remember how to beat._

_How could it, when you’re looking at me like that?_

_Every one of my limbs feels tingly,_

_And there’s this perfect warmth spreading through me._

_You take my hand and run your thumb over my knuckles,_

_And everything in me _**_s h a t t e r s_**_._

I ...

Poetry

In My Memory

Lysalei

1 min read

I wish you could remain exactly how you are in my memory;

Tinted in a perfect rose gold.

But instead you are slowly fading;

Tainted by colors I don’t want to see.

I wish I didn’t have to see.

I wish I didn’t have to know.

And maybe that’s why I’m so scared to reach out,

Scared to try to catch up with the people who made me happiest.

I want to, I really do.

I miss them so, so badly.

But every t...

Poetry

Change

Lysalei

2 min read

I’m sick of this.

I’m so sick of acting like this,

So sick of feeling like this.

So much so that it twists my stomach,

It becomes venom in my blood.

It creates a writhing creature choking my lungs until I can’t breathe.

I’m being pathetic.

It’s embarrassing, honestly.

I’m better than this.

I’m holding myself to these impossible standards because… why?

Does it give me some twisted joy to watch m...

Poetry

Hopeless

Lysalei

1 min read

_You stupid, stupid girl._

_What did you think would happen?_

_What were you thinking?_

That’s the problem.

I wasn’t thinking.

I was _living_.

For a brief moment of my miserable life,

I was breathing and laughing and smiling and feeling and living.

I was so _alive_ that I forgot to think.

And now it’s hitting me like a train,

A force so real and heavy it’s crushing my chest.

I don’t know how I’m ...

Poetry

Freedom

Lysalei

1 min read

_I will not be shoved into a closet I never even started in._

Since I liked anyone,

I knew I liked both girls and boys.

Even before I knew the word for it,

I _knew_ that their gender didn’t matter to me,

I’d like them no matter what.

And now people want to tell me it’s strange to imagine girls liking other girls.

Great, quit imagining.

You listen to me every day talking about girls, so you can...

Poetry

Betrayed

Lysalei

1 min read

I’m tense.

On edge.

Guarded.

Worried.

Wary.

Scared.

_Terrified_.

It was never supposed to be like this.

Not with you, no.

It could be me against the world,

But you were always supposed to be at my back.

It was never supposed to be me against myself against the world against _you_.

You’re not supposed to be my enemy.

And you’re not, right?

I have nothing to fear from you.

I wanted a pride bracele...

Poetry

Anxiety

Lysalei

1 min read

Birds breezing in the air above,

Swooping down to peck my skull-

Or bees buzzing through my brain,

Flitting in my head to sting my thoughts-

Or crickets chirping in my ears,

Screaming warnings on everything I say or write.

Anxiety.

_ Anxiety._

** A n x i e t y.**

**_ A

...

Poetry