Lysalei

“Nothing changes if nothing changes.” I’m a little messed up, but isn’t everyone? My posts are almost always depressing, so there’s your warning. If you ever need to rant or want someone to talk to, comment on one of my writings. Have a nice day! 🏳️‍🌈🫶

358

Writings

Followers

Following

Lysalei

358

Writings

Followers

Following

Just A Few Words🙃

Lysalei

1 min read

Just a few words can change everything.

“I’m supposed to be angry”

I tell myself

“I’m still mad, right?”

But just a few words

And it fades away

And I feel myself softening

Melting into you like always.

Somewhere in my brain

There’s a control panel that little people are frantically clicking

Wondering if I’m malfunctioning or just programmed wrong

“Why is she trying to smile?? Make that go away. S...

Poetry

I Thought

Lysalei

2 min read

I thought I could pretend.

I thought I could act like everything was normal.

I thought I could go back to before I knew better.

I picked a girl and gave myself a silly,

Harmless crush.

I told my friends, the people on this app,

About her as if I was jumping back to the days when it didn’t matter,

When it was all just for fun.

It couldn’t hurt anyone if the girl was someone I’m never even going to...

Poetry

Are You Happy?

Lysalei

1 min read

When I was younger,

I reached for the sky.

I convinced myself I could touch the clouds,

Could sing with the stars.

I reached higher and higher,

Truly thinking that if I pushed myself a little farther,

Stretched my arms a little further,

I could go anywhere,

I could be anything.

Skinny,

Smart,

Even happy.

I wish I could tell her now.

I wish I could show her what all that reaching did.

I stretched ...

Poetry

Lonely

Lysalei

1 min read

It’s not loneliness, exactly.

But that’s the closest words I can find.

Maybe emptiness?

It’s the absence of love, I think.

I’ll get all dressed up to go grocery shopping with my mom,

And I’ll look in the mirror and think “damn, I look cute right now.”

My outfit highlights the things I like about my body,

My hair cooperates with me,

My smile looks natural.

And it’ll feel so wasted because nobody’s ...

Poetry

Where’s My Mind?

Lysalei

2 min read

After too many hours on YouTube shorts,

I came across a video saying how boys are simple like a straight line,

And girls are intricate like a curvy, squiggly line.

Now, there’s nothing straight about me,

Not even the guys I like.

(“Hello, universe, I’d like to make a complaint:

Why are gay guys hotter than straight guys???

Wtfffff????”)

But I’m pretty simple.

It doesn’t take much to make me smile....

Poetry

Mistakes

Lysalei

1 min read

Yeah, I’ve made mistakes.

Yeah, I’ve done a million things I regret.

Yeah, I’ve spent a long, long time hating myself.

Yeah, that might never truly change.

Yeah, I might not ever think I’m good enough.

No, that doesn’t justify what I’m doing.

Plain and simple:

What I’ve been doing to cope with that guilt

Is letting people down more than the mistakes I punish myself for.

I’m worrying the people I...

Poetry

It’s Fine

Lysalei

2 min read

I’m a mess.

It’s hilarious,

So funny I want to laugh through my pain.

But it’s fine.

Spotify’s fucking with my head,

Playing songs that make me wanna scream and tear something apart,

And then songs that tear out my heart and leave me trying to remember how to breathe.

And then songs that make _me_ want to tear out my heart so I stop breathing.

It’s fine.

I stained my sheets and my favorite pajam...

Poetry

You, You, You

Lysalei

1 min read

Hate.

I hate you, I hate you, I hate you.

I want to rip your fucking throat out,

I want to tear my nails into your skin.

I. Hate. You.

I hate that you make me hate you.

Why can’t you just be normal?

Why can’t you just be a decent fucking human?

What happened to your morals,

What happened to being a “good person”?

Why do you throw things away like they’re nothing,

Why can’t you just be _good enoug...

Poetry

Words, Words, Words

Lysalei

1 min read

I have so many words in me.

Words are the air in my lungs,

The blood pumping through my veins.

Words are the spark in my eyes,

The strength in my bones.

My words are my tools,

My weapons.

My words are what make me, well

_Me_.

I use my words to teach,

To heal,

To give hope,

To express myself.

All I am is my words.

How come I’m out of words?

How could I have run out of words,

How can I be _silent?...

Poetry

For Me

Lysalei

1 min read

You said, “I love how you care about others and put them before yourself.”

Of course.

Of course that’s what’s loved about me.

My willingness to kill myself for someone else’s smile,

My instinct to hurt myself to spare someone a bit of pain.

Why is it that what makes me loved

Is the same thing that ensures I’ll never love myself?

I break my own heart into pieces,

Snapping off chunks I can hand out...

Poetry