Lysalei

“Nothing changes if nothing changes.” I love books, music, and all things involving escaping reality. I’m a little messed up, but isn’t everyone? My posts are almost always fairly depressing, so there’s your warning. Have a nice day! 🏳️‍🌈🫶

345

Writings

Followers

Following

Lysalei

345

Writings

Followers

Following

You, You, You

Lysalei

1 min read

Hate.

I hate you, I hate you, I hate you.

I want to rip your fucking throat out,

I want to tear my nails into your skin.

I. Hate. You.

I hate that you make me hate you.

Why can’t you just be normal?

Why can’t you just be a decent fucking human?

What happened to your morals,

What happened to being a “good person”?

Why do you throw things away like they’re nothing,

Why can’t you just be _good enoug...

Poetry

Words, Words, Words

Lysalei

1 min read

I have so many words in me.

Words are the air in my lungs,

The blood pumping through my veins.

Words are the spark in my eyes,

The strength in my bones.

My words are my tools,

My weapons.

My words are what make me, well

_Me_.

I use my words to teach,

To heal,

To give hope,

To express myself.

All I am is my words.

How come I’m out of words?

How could I have run out of words,

How can I be _silent?...

Poetry

For Me

Lysalei

1 min read

You said, “I love how you care about others and put them before yourself.”

Of course.

Of course that’s what’s loved about me.

My willingness to kill myself for someone else’s smile,

My instinct to hurt myself to spare someone a bit of pain.

Why is it that what makes me loved

Is the same thing that ensures I’ll never love myself?

I break my own heart into pieces,

Snapping off chunks I can hand out...

Poetry

Control

Lysalei

1 min read

Control.

I need control.

When I feel I’m trapped I can’t breathe,

I can’t think,

I can’t function.

The solution is control.

Control, control, control.

_“I’m in control.”_

_Right?_

I can’t control the weather-

If it’s too hot to run outside.

I can’t control how often I get to see you-

If my mom thinks it’s “too much.”

I can’t control my mind-

If I’m sane or broken or okay.

I can’t even control ...

Poetry

Wrong

Lysalei

1 min read

Something is _wrong_.

Like, italicized kind of wrong.

Like, I can hardly breathe kind of wrong.

Like, I could reach out and shatter shadows kind of wrong.

Like, I am melting-falling apart-splintering off at the edges-drifting into murky emptiness-lost in nothing, nothing-

**_“Nothing’s wrong.”_**

Is what I would say, if anyone asked.

But no one does.

No one asks.

They can see it on my face, I’m ...

Poetry

Sleepover

Lysalei

2 min read

It started little.

Tucking me into your arms,

Holding me close,

Hiding behind my hands when the movie got scary.

Running your fingers down my arm,

Distracting me.

You really killed the mood of the movie,

Because dammit,

How am I supposed to focus on people getting stabbed

When you’re dropping little kisses on my cheeks and nose?

Heartstopper is on now and I’m trying to scream at the tv I’m going ...

Poetry

One Point for Pride

Lysalei

1 min read

She just casually threw in “I’m gay.”

We all kinda looked at her in shock, not sure if we heard her right.

We did.

She admitted she’s gay.

I was so. Fucking. Proud of her.

Last year, she was the gayest person I’d ever met. I had not ever known anyone more homo than her.

Little comments about girls,

Digs if you mentioned liking boys.

She’s the only person I’ve ever met who’s… straight-phobic?

Of co...

Poetry

Scared

Lysalei

1 min read

I’m scared.

I’m scared of anything and everything.

Scared of loving.

Scared of not loving.

Scared of being happy,

Scared of being hurt.

I’m terrified of everything around me.

I’m scared of letting you down.

I’m scared I’m not enough,

Scared I’ll never be.

So I say all the wrong things,

Because I’m afraid of the right ones.

I wish I could be a little braver.

I wish I could say what I want.

There’s ...

Poetry

Memories

Lysalei

1 min read

I hate it

And I love it.

It hurts

And I need it.

I went back to Spotify after using other music for a while.

I scrolled through my playlists and added my old favorites to a collection of heartbreak,

Looking for the most depressing shit I could find.

I wanted the melodies, the lyrics, the rhythms to drag my heart through nails,

Not this.

Not memories.

Because now I’m shaking and crying because_ I ...

Poetry

I’m Sorry

Lysalei

1 min read

If this is what I’m going to be I’ll be it.

If this is my place I’ll stay.

I begged the world to help me,

Prayed to a god I don’t even believe in to _help me_.

I spent so long trying to hide it,

To hide _from_ it,

And this is what happens?

Fine.

I’m just annoyed I don’t know what’s sharp enough.

So I’m sorry I complain.

I’m sorry I’m a coward.

I’m sorry I’m lazy and useless and rude.

I’m so sorr...

Poetry