It’s not loneliness, exactly.

But that’s the closest words I can find.

Maybe emptiness?

It’s the absence of love, I think.

I’ll get all dressed up to go grocery shopping with my mom,

And I’ll look in the mirror and think “damn, I look cute right now.”

My outfit highlights the things I like about my body,

My hair cooperates with me,

My smile looks natural.

And it’ll feel so wasted because nobody’s there to see it.

I want to send silly photos for no reason.

I want to wake up next to someone and fall asleep in their arms.

I want to smile at someone and kiss them and hold their hand just because I love them.

I want to feel like maybe someone sees everything about me and says it’s good enough,

And I want to make someone feel the same about themselves.

I want to make someone happy,

Really freaking happy.

I want to be the one someone thinks of when they hear “comfort” or “safety.”

I want to love someone with all my heart and I want theirs,

I want to belong to someone else,

I want to give someone all of me and trust they won’t hurt me,

That they won’t break the heart they so completely own.

I want to do more than date-

I want to bond, to love, to heal.

I want to know someone has entrusted me with their heart,

And I want to cherish and protect it.

I want a love story.

But part of me wonders if I’ve already had my story.

I had chances and second chances,

And I fucked it all up. Every time.

Part of me wonders if I just wasn’t meant for love.

I can’t be trusted with sharp objects,

Can’t be trusted with chores or responsibilities,

Can’t be trusted with grades or food or money.

How the hell could I be trusted with someone’s heart?

So on the days I feel pretty,

I smile to myself and pretend that’s enough.