I don’t want to be jealous

But I am

I don’t want to feel this way

But I do

I never realized

I would be jealous of my sister

She is 5 years younger

But growing up on track

I wish I knew

What a normal childhood was like

Wish I hadn’t been forced to grow up so fast

Wish I had bean healthy like her, and grown up on track

I wish I didn’t feel this was

It feels so wrong to feel this way

Why do I feel this way

Make it go away

No one believes me when i tell them my age

No they don’t say lower

They always guess higher

And i get flirted with by college guys

At 14, why i do feel like I am hundreds of years old

Why do I feel like there is nothing more to hold

Why am I jealous of my little sister

I had to grow up

When i had to start giving myself shots

Counting every carb

And it will never stop

I had to grow up

When people wanted me dead

When I wanted me dead

But at least i’m better now

I love her to bits

And I am not truly jealous of her

Just the fact

That she didn’t have to grow up so fast

I had to grow up

When I started hating life

When I didn’t know who I was

And had to figure it out

Wish I didn’t grow up so fast

Wish I had had friendships that lasted

But I have friends now

So why am I complaining

I don’t hate my life

Just don’t love the way it played out

On three times speed

Like people around me were bored

I hate this feeling

But i hate that i had to grow up so fast

But it will pass

It always passes