I sit down

So ready

To conquer this test

With my sharpened pencil

I write my name

With loopy letters

Perfectly spaced

Then I look over

The first page

Expecting to feel

Like I know it

But instead

The words blend

Together

The graphs

Become meaningless

The symbols

Turn into scribbles

My mind

S

E

A

R

CH

ES

and

S

E

A

R

CH

ES

For anything

But what does it find?

Nothing.

So I skip the question

Swearing to myself

My mind just needs to

“Take a break”

So it can “recooperate”

Easy questions come

Blinding my reality

Like a little taste of sugar

In a sea full of salt water

It tastes so good

I feel so smart

Until I decide to take the risk

And swim deeper

I turn the page

A word problem

Sketch a graph

It reads

Then explain your answer

I don’t understand

The teachers know why

They have

A literal answer key

So why do you have to explain

Something they already know?!

The clock ticks

My “perfectly spaced”

Handwriting becomes

My “my fingers are too fat”

Handwriting

At this point,

I have no clue

What the heck I’m doing

Drawing my graphs

Goes like this:

Erase

Erase

Erase

Draw

Sit up and stare

Erase

Erase

Erase

Redraw

Second guess it

Erase

Erase

Draw again

Contemplate

Give up

The waves get angrier

And the salt water

In my lungs

Rises

My hands get sweaty

My mind races

My heart cries for help

My eyes water with exhaust

You should’ve studied more

You should’ve asked your teacher more questions

You should’ve never picked up your phone

You should’ve been better

You should be smarter

A smart person would know this…

These thoughts

Aren’t afraid

To be loud

But a little sliver

In my heart

Whispers

Atleast you tried

_ _

So I try your best

To finish

Then

Hand it over

Because why does it have to matter so much?

Why can’t trying your best actually feel like an accomplishment for once?

(My ACT is tomorrow. Hoping for the best😭)