-since my previous post “the ABCs of total life chaos” got so much attention, here is my second take on the prompt!-

Attempted to fix the sink with bubble gum and blind optimism.

Broke the entire plumbing system and possibly a law.

Considered just living in a pool float forever.

Decided to Google “how to fake your own disappearance.”

Emailed my boss a resignation letter made entirely of emojis.

Forgot I’m still on probation from the coffee machine incident.

Got chased by a goose I may have accidentally insulted.

Hid in a recycling bin. Found a raccoon named Marvin.

Invited him home. He now pays half the rent.

Just realized he’s better at budgeting than I am.

Knitted him a sweater. He hates it. I cried.

Learned that therapy is expensive but fire is free.

Made cookies. Forgot flour. Invented warm, sad soup discs.

Named them “Oopsie Rounds.” Trademark pending.

Overwatered my cactus. It drowned. I held a vigil.

Purchased a ukulele in a fugue state.

Questioned every life choice during my third open mic bomb.

Ran into my ex. While wearing a bee costume.

Said “I’m thriving” while clearly leaking honey.

Tripped over absolutely nothing in front of a mime.

Unfortunately, he mimed it better than I lived it.

Volunteered to dogsit. The dog runs a TikTok now.

Was demoted to unpaid intern on his channel.

X-rayed myself for fun. Found a plastic fork.

Yelled “Plot twist!” and dramatically exited IKEA.

Zigzagged into traffic and made three friends and one mild enemy.