people keep telling me to slow down,

i’m moving too fast

too excited

when her name leaves my tongue

“calm down, you’re not even together yet”

but the word _yet_ sticks out to me

and i don’t want a slow love, one that i can

shut up and sit still and not think about

i want an thought consuming, time wasting,

smile until my cheeks hurt for hours

kind of love

i want a can’t won’t refuses to shut up...

i am in love with love

but love doesn’t love me back

how long can i search for someone to

bandage me better without falling asleep at the wheel

who’s left when comfort is too much to ask for

and their promises of reassurance hurt more than the words that felt

just a little too sharp

“i’m sorry” is my favorite phrase, always hot

(burning) (stinging) (scratching)

on my tongue...

recently, i’ve been feeling so fucking

alone...

you hurt like chain whips lashing over your back

you hurt like a punishment

you hurt like death

so i smile like sunshine

so i hold your hand in the dark

and i kiss your words better

every night

i shake like a leaf in the wind

and when my head hits the pillow my eyes

don’t close

you hurt like ice, frigid and black

you hurt like a noose

you hurt with no room for me to hurt

you hurt...

the burden of a memory

incomplete

and a wall that should have holes

burned in the plaster from her stare

the song of a heart

untuned

and a candle flame flicking

around a stinging silver lip

the whispers of a mind,

wandering,

and the unshed tears of a girl

too lost

too broken, but seemingly not broken

enough

cracked but not yet shattered,

thoughts scattered

in the wind

ain’t no one’s hands

h...

i’d rather stay

forgotten

then become a

thought

that

keeps you

from

sleeping

at

night...

it’s under my skin

tearing and ripping, clawing to get out

it’s curled in my brain,

slurping and drinking, my thoughts simply soup

it swims in my veins,

thumping and shaking, pulsing through me

it lives behind my eyes,

pounding and punching, tears streaming down

down down

when someone raises their voice when their

tone shifts, when they don’t text me with

extra letters trailing off the end of the...

without your name constantly weighing

on my heart,

stealing pieces of my mind,

it’s easier to breath,

without your hands wrapped around my chest,

squeezing squeezing squeezing

all the time

i feel lighter

i’m free...

a strong sense of dread

undercurrents

the ocean

rocks and rocks

and rocks

choppy waves and

panic

sets in

crashing

harsh

shoreline

breathy echo

echo

echo

inhale

exhale

whale cries give way to

silence

serenity is a

gift never given

a strong sense of dread

drags the boat

down

down

down...

anxiety is hard when

my breath catches in my throat and my

heart runs miles a minute in my chest

anxiety is hard when i’m scared to be alone,

scared of what the silence says

anxiety is hard when my friends are all busy

or don’t want to talk about it

or don’t treat it like it is

axiety is hard when i wonder

if i can talk to the one person im desperate to

talk to

but i dont think i can because s...