i am in love with love

but love doesn’t love me back

how long can i search for someone to

bandage me better without falling asleep at the wheel

who’s left when comfort is too much to ask for

and their promises of reassurance hurt more than the words that felt

just a little too sharp

“i’m sorry” is my favorite phrase, always hot

(burning) (stinging) (scratching)

on my tongue

and when she tells me not to say it i just say it again

letting her down

down

down

until, one day she’ll drown in her own disappointment

(i’m sorry)

so many words in my head, voices that build me up just to strip me down

powerless

painless and agonizing

sleeping is such sweet sorrow

out like a light

(don’t plug me back in)

let me lie in the sun and burn, it’s oh so warm out there and maybe

while i’m baking i’ll feel safe

(the voices behind my eyes get louder)

i’m sorry, i know, i wish i was better too,

not disappointing, guilty,

(my hands are stained

tainted covered in the blood of the people i can’t save)

hurt and empty

i’m sorry