I have been locked up for 502 days. today is the first day i get to see the world after it shut us down. before this all started and they locked us up to perfect us, make us a member of the society they wanted to change, i was just an ordianry girl living underneath trailers in here. the life around us was like an empty desert, buildings collapsed, lives lost, a world ruined. and we werent allowed...

my life is a graveyard of buried hopes

this saying comes to mind as im laying in these depths

i cant figure out a way to pull me out and away

escaping doesnt seem possible, leaving too

because i am it, i live it each day

and sometimes i like deep water, i fight to stay here

i can never just float, although the views are maybe better

i cant because floating would be loosing the battle

i dont know ...

nobdoy knows what its like

to long, to dream, to yearn

for something that one cant earn

every waking minute, every dream and nightmare

is a want for someone that maybe exists in another life

to be devasted by the unability to grasp it with a knife

to be heartbroken for a love that wasnt unrequited

it was fictional...

to everyone watching, seeing her and noticing her perfection

it seems like shes headed down to strive in each section

always radiating confidence, hapiness, a life she lives satisfyingly

but what isnt displayed, are the critcs shouting unnervingly

creating an audience in her mind of whom she mustnt listen to

they lead her down hole, one she cant help but counterview

she is such a perfect figur...

i walked upon dozens of roses

red as the blood that parted moses

the path was sprinkled with beauty and wonder

each rose winked at me as i came upon its shoulder

they smiled at me and wished me good luck

hoped my travels back to earth wouldnt suck

i had come here as a sharp thorn

wishing these heavens and gods my born

but little by little each rose lit up

pormising a better life as id reach a new...

suddenly i was back at a new school again

after being trapped by insecurity and loneliness

that swallows one whole, only bits remain

i found a glow within my tenderness

beyond my invisibility, all gray and plain

colors came back when i saw hope within my mess

feeling something besides a numbing pain

i felt life without a built hardness

people knew me now without my drain

i was filled up, by someht...

(tw: sh, 3d)

«truth or dare?» lisa cocks one eyebrow in ym direction, challenging me, urging me on with those daring eyes of hers. all eyes are on me. each person sitting around me in this circle is waiting for me to take on the dare, truth isnt an option. an option for pussies, they said. and i know that lisa isnt questioning me. she is choosing me. «Dare.» i say and grin. she grins back, almos...

i am sure he didnt mean to do it. that its just a nightmare, just an error in my memory. that my brother wasnt just drowned by my dad. that something else took over, a sea monster or an evil twin. but i heard the screams. i saw my dads hand wrapped around billys neck. i saw him drowning my brother. and today we mourn my dads doing. my brothers tragic deatch in ridgemount lake. i look at dad, the l...

words of hatred surround me, disgust, guilt and a horrible, black shame hang over me when i see my reflection. it was those moments of slips, control losing its grip on me for two seconds, and it hitting me right now like bad, horrible nightmare. i can never eat again, never show nyself outside. i am not worthy of it. i have lost all ny value, all theres left is rolls, and a body that showcases la...

maybe it was the obsession with thinness

maybe it was having my value based on looks

or it could have been a darkly loneliness

because i was touched too close without pushing away

i will never understand why my life became one cycle

why i had to become sick by an illness i dont want to leave

i dont want to break up with it

because it kills me to look bigger

its impossible to breathe with it

but ...