my heart aches like fire embering into ashes as the time passes by in the night. Minutes, turns into hours, time doesnt exist, only an empty eternity.

is this what nights feel like without him? i knew it was a mistake, but god, my emotions are too fierce, thrasing around me like storms, only waiting for the possibility of outbursts.

so this is the aftermath. there is never no quiet before the storm, it just suddenly storms, and its after, that one stares at the result, a quiet desperation creeping upon oneself.

rivers of tears stream down my cheek, a knot in my heart straining itself further and further. a fathom of his warm arms, his weight pressing the mattress down, shaping me perfectly against him, a blanket of love and safety in my stormy world.

we fit together like sculptures, im sure the gods above praised us. relished in our love. like i did.

i still do.

my stomach retches, his absence creating an impossible war inside me. its like i need him to sleep.

i toss and turn over in my bed. his smell is starting to fade away, and i make a silent note to remember to never ever watch these sheets again.

the night is still hanging over me, never swallowing me in its lullaby of sleep, only haunting me in the void of it. its all too much, and without even realizing it, i feel my feet starting to walk out of the bed. i am not even in myself anymore. i just see me feet taking one step in front of the other, leading me to the kitchen. the darkness is too much combined with my head, but i dont stop. piles and piles of dishes lay in the sink, i wouldnt be suprised if a mouse ran out from under me, or any other creature for that sake. this place reeks of rotting flesh.

but i havent slept for god knows how long. who knows what that does to a person? if im even considered that anymore.

i turn towadards the pantry, and open the door with movements that dont belong to me.

the door makes a creaking sound, my heart skipping a beat at suddenly hearing sounds after an eternity of deafing silence.

there he is.

right where i laid him.

between the paper boxes and the food shelf, he lays there, staring into outer space, all life traced out. his body is sunken now, its almost as if hes not there anymore. just a rotting corpse of a haunted love.

but i am so tired, i dont think anymore. just do. that was always the problem, wasnt it?

i reach for his arms and drag him up the stairs with me. he is heavy, but something in me strives forward, using the last of instinct to pull him nto the bed with me. ill sleep forever now. hoping to join him.