_(BUTTERFLY I PROMISE I WONT GET BALLS!! (Inside joke I swear) I’m not going to do anything, I promise, but this is a very honest truth right now. I don’t rly know what to do because I don’t know how to respond to actual love (especially when I can 100% tell they like me *normally I’m good at masking but AHHH*). Sry for rambling. Hope you have a wonderful day!)_

If only,

If only

My brain

Could organize

My thoughts.

I hate

That I

_Always_ panic

Over stupid shit.

I wish I could be

Normal,

But, no, instead

I pray at night

That my friends

And family

Stop loving me

So they won’t

Miss me

And

So that neither of us

Get hurt.

It seems oh so wrong,

Praying to a god

I don’t even know if I still believe in

That they

Stop loving me

Or

Don’t love me from the beginning.

It _probably_ is wrong.

…

I’ll go to hell if I kill myself,

But what happens if

I put myself in

Dangerous positions

Hoping for a gruesome outcome?

If only I could see myself the way you see me.

If only I could understand the concept of love.

If only so many things.

If only…