I wasn’t aware it existed

Not when I was a kid

And yet, in every way

I expressed myself

It was there, always in place

And then as I got older

I realized the value of it

Middle School can really

Kill it and christen it

Once again

And the I became a teenager

And soon everyone faked it

Everyone pretended like

They know what they were doing

And so we all stood

Never with out hearts on out sleeves

We protected our confidence

Because we were no longer kids

And then you came along

And within days I gave you my heart

And soon you called me yours

But then you decided I wasn’t good enough

And left me standing in the rain

And now I search for my confidence

Amidst all the pain

I look for it

In between shopping isles

Pushing my cart along,

Hoping I’ll see it near the rice and smile

And then like magic, I’ll be alright

And when I don’t find it

I head to the library

Push apart books

Hoping that it’ll jump right out

And surprise me

And I don’t find it,

Not in my laundry,

Not in my favorite café,

I’m just humoring myself, really

I know where I left my confidence

I left it in the rain,

It dropped somewhere in the middle puddles

As you packed your things and drove away

And yet I dont try

To go back down memory lane

Afraid if I do,

I’ll find myself down the way

I’m afraid that I’ll find my younger self

And she ask me what’s wrong

She be all smiles and sunshine

And I won’t know what to say

Because somewhere down the road,

My confidence drifted away

I’ll shake my head, ignore her and keep walking

Searching the roads and sewers

And humor myself still looking

Searching for the one thing

I’m afraid to find inside

Because if I look there and don’t find

My confidence,

I’m afraid that the younger version of me

The little kid who didn’t know what confidence is

Will die