people keep telling me to slow down,

i’m moving too fast

too excited

when her name leaves my tongue

“calm down, you’re not even together yet”

but the word _yet_ sticks out to me

and i don’t want a slow love, one that i can

shut up and sit still and not think about

i want an thought consuming, time wasting,

smile until my cheeks hurt for hours

kind of love

i want a can’t won’t refuses to shut up about the

way she traces my fingers kind of love,

the way her eyes glow when she sees me kind of love

the way i always know she loves me kind of love

i don’t want to be moving too fast too excited,

“calm down izzy you’re going to get hurt again”

but i don’t actually stop feeling i just stop talking

and she’s 27.6 miles away from me so i can’t have a personal kind of love

i get pixelated hearts on my phone screen and

smiles over a video call and when i want to

giggle and smile until my cheeks hurt,

i get shut down

shot after shot by friend after mom after friend

me being blinded by the very thought of _her_ is going to hurt me down the line, sure but

you worrying about what’s going to hurt me then is hurting me more

now