WRITING OBSTACLE

Submitted by Katelyn Jane

Write a chapter of a self-help book written by the absolute worst person to receive this kind of advice from.

What kind of awful advice might be found here?

Chapter 9:

**“Women Love Jerks—So Stop Being So Damn Nice”**


From Alpha Ascension: How to Win at Life Without Ever Changing by Brad “Steel” Hammerstone




Let me ask you a question, my man:


Have you ever poured your heart out to a girl, wrote her sweet messages, remembered her dog’s birthday, and then watched her run off with a guy who responds to her texts three days late and calls her “dude”?


Exactly. You were too nice.


Nice guys don’t finish last—they don’t even get in the race. They’re on the sidelines holding the girl’s purse while she FaceTimes a guy named Blaze who forgot her name halfway through the call.


The truth society won’t tell you (but I will because I’m not afraid of the truth or a restraining order): women love jerks.


Let me repeat that for the sensitive readers out there clutching their poetry journals:

WOMEN. LOVE. JERKS.





**Why Being a Jerk Works (Science, Probably)**




Here’s how it breaks down:


• Jerks have confidence (read: delusion).

• Jerks have mystery (read: emotional constipation).

• Jerks have standards (read: they criticize everything).



This creates the perfect storm of what I like to call romantic whiplash: a psychological phenomenon where a woman can’t stop thinking about a man because he never validates her, makes her doubt her worth, and then rewards her with the occasional crumb of attention.


Like a slot machine, but meaner.





**Brad’s Rule #14: Never Be Too Available**




If she texts “Hey :)” at 2:04 PM, you wait until exactly 8:17 PM to respond with “Sup.”


That’s it. No emoji. No punctuation. Don’t even say her name. Why?


Because you’re not a trained puppy. You’re a lion. And lions don’t reply to texts. They roar…and then ignore.





**Brad’s Rule #15: Flirt Like an Apex Predator**




Compliments are for job interviews and weak men. You want to get her attention? Use a negg.


Here’s a few openers straight from my personal playbook:


• “You’re cute for someone who talks that much.”

• “That’s an interesting outfit. My grandma would love it.”

• “You have confidence. I respect that—even if it’s not totally earned.”



Boom. Mystery. Intrigue. Mild emotional trauma. That’s the Brad Hammerstone effect.





**A Case Study (That I Totally Didn’t Make Up)**




Back in 2017, I dated a yoga instructor named Amberleigh (yes, that’s her real name, and no, she can’t sue me—I checked).


She had three guys chasing her: a banker who bought her flowers, a musician who wrote her a song, and me—a man who showed up late to our first date, called her “Angela” twice, and then spent twenty minutes explaining why “The Matrix” is actually a documentary.


Guess who she ended up crying over in a Whole Foods parking lot while I drove off on a rented electric scooter?


That’s right. Me. The jerk. The legend.





**Final Thoughts (Soak It In)**




If you take anything from this chapter, let it be this:


Stop being the nice guy.


Don’t listen to what women say they want. Listen to what their dating history says they tolerate. Do they fall for sweet, respectful guys who ask about their day? Or do they fall for emotionally unavailable gym rats who only wear tank tops, even in winter?


Exactly.


So go out there. Be bold. Be indifferent. Be just annoying enough to be unforgettable.


You’re not trying to be liked. You’re trying to be remembered.


Stay heartless,

Brad “Steel” Hammerstone

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