Tw: school shooting fear

I get a sense of fear when I walk down

Empty halls with no one in it.

My ears click

My eyes suddenly

notice all things

I hold my breath

I think

What would I do if someone

walks out with a gun at the

very end of the hall?

Would I run into the closest classroom?

Would I scream “shooter!”

To try and warn everyone even

if it costs my life?

Would I scream it while running off?

If he was closer…what would I do?

Would I freeze and beg to live?

Would I try to attack him, risking my life?

If someone else,

even someone I didn’t like,

walked out before I could say

anything

Or was also in the hall,

Would I jump in front of them?

That’s an easy answer. Yes.

But HOW would that save them?

What if they freeze?

What if we both get shot?

How would I disarm him?

Question

After

Question

After

Question

After

Question

After question after question

I think all of this as I walk

When someone walks in from a different hall

I jump.

Oh it’s okay.

They’re just going to the restroom.

Not a shooter.

Then I’m imagining feeling the gun

Against the back of my head

My heart drops

My body tingles

I gasp as tears fall

And all the words I wanted to say

run around my head

All the people I love

run around my head

All the things I want to do

Run around my head

And there in front of me is a teacher who can’t save me…

I snap out of it and realize I passed my class…

I think about the people walking into the hall everytime I worry they’re a shooter but they’re not.

But will that always be a guarantee?

Will it always be a student

and not a shooter?

I’d rather it be me that the shooter finds first

so that everyone else

gets a chance to live.

My biggest question is:

Why am I worrying about this?

We are teenagers.

These are schools.

Not shooting targets.

The fact that I have to worry…!

It’s not fair.

No one deserves to die.

Not ever.

Not before saying goodbye.

Not before loving life.

Why won’t they stop shooting?

Is my school next?

Can I somehow prevent it?