depression.

i needed it.

the dark to

6th grade me’s light.

the day I realized

what time I should fight.

i once needed depression.

i got it.

i’m glad it’s over,

but i wouldn’t take it away.

years, years later,

you’ve come back,

inching closer like a caterpillar,

ticking like the minute hand on a clock,

creeping like a black cat in the dark.

see, all those and more too.

you’ve come back,

my dear dep...

[trigger warning: trauma & sorta assault]

She was twelve.

On a school bus.

He was fourteen.

She didn’t know any better,

so she didn’t scream.

Not when his hand

lingered closer to her hip,

not when he flirted straight dirt.

She was twelve.

She didn’t know any better.

But she wore a skirt,

so she was asking for it.

He was fourteen.

She didn’t know it was happening.

Four years later,

she can’t even ...

In my notebook,

I wrote about you.

About everything,

I won’t reread it though.

I’ve forgotten it already.

That was three months ago.

You’re different, I know.

I wonder if you regret it.

You’ve talked to me,

said hi to my mom.

Asked how my brothers were.

In my notebook,

your name has a dedicated page.

Yes, it was written in pain,

yes, I was mad at you,

so mad.

But since then I’m not.

You’re in my m...

I hated you.

because you were gorgeous,

because you smiled pretty.

because I looked at you

and saw a better version of me.

I’m cute, they say,

can’t tell if it’s pity,

because I’ll never be you.

but I’m cute, they say.

sweet, they say.

but my smile isn’t the sun.

my eyes don’t hold the stars.

second place, not even,

but you were always first.

because you were gorgeous.

because you smiled pretty.

I...

I’m mean.

They say I’m mean.

I was nice once, right?

I’m not mean?

I’m not offending people for fun,

I’m biting back because I was bitten.

They feed me insults,

expect me to eat.

I’m not mean.

I’m not mean.

Bitten, broken,

bitter and tired,

I’m not mean.

You hurt me.

I broke.

What do you expect?

I’m mean.

I’m mean.

I’m a wreck,

I’m broken, bitten,

tired and bitter,

you only see

what I say.

Thi...

you’ll always cry but never laugh,

surround yourself in darkness

only to see a small glimpse of light.

you’ll die but never give birth,

you’ll exist but never live.

you’ll drench others’ paths,

with your tears.

pain is all you cause,

yet we still love you,

or rather-

we read books while you die,

stay inside while you die,

cover our heads while you die.

you cry and die,

but we focus on ourselves.

y...

I miss you

You don’t miss me

Me, me, me, always,

Always so self-centered

Centered in chaos,

chaos covering my hands,

Hands drenched in blood,

Blood dripping like water.

Water from my eyes.

Eyes that cried because of you.

You don’t miss me.

Me, myself, and I.

I miss you....

I lost it.

I lost it, and I don’t know where.

The store, my house?

Somewhere?

I’m crying and mascara’s running down my face,

stupid stupid.

I loved it.

I loved it.

I had it for four years,

and I just lost it in two hours.

I don’t know where.

Here or there?

Stupid stupid,

I can’t even talk about it.

It’s like grieving for one person all over again,

and grieving for someone who never died.

Oh my gos...

A pepper.

Hatred is a pepper,

but I don’t hate her,

so I hold it in front of her face.

I don’t hate her.

I can’t hate her

when she made me numb.

Emotions drained,

eyes closed,

stabbed, in pain,

can’t say I wasn’t warned.

but dang, it doesn’t even hurt anymore.

Numb, numb, numb,

like I’m losing too much blood,

too much emotion,

too much negative energy

that I’ve been wasting on

writing your name...

Write me a poem,

because you can’t face your emotions.

Take a piece of your soul,

mix it into the writing bowl.

I can read your face better than your texts,

so write me a poem.

I won’t decode it.

Write me a poem,

tell me what you feel.

But don’t write too deeply,

because it might become real.

And if you haven’t already,

you might lose touch with everyone.

Because you’re fading.

Instead of writing ...