Note: So… this is dark. & sad. But mostly dark. Sorry, guys. I just finished the ACT this morning & didn’t do so great & my mom decided the best way to get me to learn was to scream at me on the drive home, so. On the plus side, I learned something new that I didn’t need to know; all of the sound of traffic & whatnot goes away as my ears try to adjust to the high-pitched noise of my mom’s yelling. It turned into a game when she wouldn’t stop, & kept me from crying. She stops yelling - I hear traffic. She starts - my ears ring & I hear only that & silence.

TW: Su!c!de indication at the end, masochism, ED (but not anorexia or bulimia)

I’m sorry I keep going where I shouldn’t

I’m sorry I push it too far

I’m sorry I keep hurting my body

I’m sorry I exist

I’m sorry I keep apologizing

Instead of doing something right

You hurt me before, now I’ll hurt me again

Double the punishment, right?

I’m sorry I keep skipping meals

I’m sorry I like the pain

I’m sorry you made me so numb inside

There’s nothing left to gain

I’m sorry I’m a masochist,

I wasn’t always like this, I promise

& I’m so sorry that no matter how hard they try

I still don’t care if I live or die