I grew up in the most amazing place.

This place was home to my mothe ras a child.

BROOKLYN New York!!!

As I got older it was no longer my safe haven.

Too much trauma took place for me to ever really want to go back.

Those memories replay and I am left with this longing to go back.

I’m 34 now i haven’t been home since 18 years old. Now returning is just a fantasy.

But every time I’m back in the...

It must be me then right?…..

I’m in competition with someone who isn’t even in the race.

SO I’m told…..

But I can’t help myself comparing myself to her.

She wasn’t always my rival.

We were never enemies!

I just can’t help but be insecure about her.

Lies, priority, and fights about her,

led to this Disdain .

All of this led to me feeling unstable, insecure, less than.

We have nothing in common, ...

My days are almost endless… as if they have blended into one excrutiatingly long minute.

I have patiently awaited the flashing moment, where I can see a sliver of change.

Living with the hope of catching my way out.

If only…

If only I had the tools.

If only I had the strength.

If only…

My journey has been everything but easy… as if the great divine has purposefuly made it impossible.

Haven’t I p...

From the moment I breathed my first breath, I have been trying to achieve the impossible.

Never knowing the love and comfort that life claims to have.

I’ve endured a multitude of personalities, every one more painful than the last.

Never knowing who I was. Never safe enough to find out.

Just floating through this existence knowing everything and nothing at all.

Given all the pieces to this puzz...

For as long as I can remember, never have i experienced the gratification of knowing what Home felt like.

No sense of safety or belonging.

Family wasn’t solid, more like every man for themselves.

A constant war raging within everyone.

Like the never ending story,

the nothingnes was consuming us all.

Like Ferngully our forest ripped from the ground,

I had to get away as fast as i could.

I guess...

This may seem obvious. This may seem stupid when said outloud.

Life seems to last forever, but this forever goes by in the blink of an eye.

From our first breath to our last ,for lack of better words… takes a life time,haha.

This life, it all seems so small. This life just seems so pointless.

The question that echoes through every humans brain….whats the purpose of life, our lives… a never ending...

Boy does the city radiate at night.

Every twinkling light like stars on a clear country night.

Here i am again.

HIgh above the city,

or just euphoria.

HIGH.

I used to be proud of my horizon.

now im terrified of losing the light.

High above the city,

or just nostalgia.

HIGH.

Lost in the light reflecting on the river.

Wishing i could dance with the fairies.

HIGH.

I’m high above the city,

im high...

my arm is going numb

bladder is screaming

the dark is lightening

im cold……

i can hear the alarm but cannot find my phone.

just 5 more minutes is all i ask.

eyes wide open now.

im awake....