i am waiting to jump.

i blew my rent money to feel something.

they secure my harness.

i get the okay.

i jump.

i feel something.

for thirty seconds.

i get on the ground.

i feel nothing.

the high was short

but the first thing i've felt in months

so it was worth it

at least for me....

I watch you.

all the time.

your always on my mind.

you will be mine.

i have zero care what you want this time.

you've played me over and over again.

this time i'm taking over, calling you in.

i love you.

and if you wont love me

i'll make you

i'll do anything

everything

to get you

to

fall

in

love

with

me...

You've always been mine.

Since the day on the playground when our souls became intertwined.

The day I was hearbroken from my first love, and you came over and listened to my cries.

We always had love.

We called it platonic.

Denied claims that it was something more.

It became sort of ironic.

How we kissed- but in a freinds way of course.

And we would choose each other over anyone but could never b...

The real me is hidden under kindness and love.

The real me is hidden under charity and hugs.

The real me is covered and forgotten by most.

But I will never forget the real me even if i'm wearing my invisibility cloak.

The real me is pathetic

mean

and cruel.

The real me is a secret truth

locked away for no one to see

except when someone gets on my bad side

they may see

a glimpse of the real me...

I skipped meals, but never skipped a workout.

I skipped a snack, but never weigh in.

I hated the way I looked, I fell in love with my illness.

Anorexia was a form of comfort, like a hand knitted blanket.

I loved ana, she was always there for me. She made me feel pretty.

But that only lasted for a short time because then to feel that way again: i would have to become thinner.

that's the thing...

In another life I wouldn't be in love with you.

In another life I wouldn't be waiting for you to love me back.

In another life I wouldn't wake up earlier to look better for you.

In another life I wouldn't have met you that day, that way.

In another life I could move on when you got a girlfriend.

In another life I would understand that we just won't work.

But that's another life not this one....

I sit at home with an unwelcome guest. The guest being a memory that clouds inside of my head. I remember the feeling of his hands on me, and the disgust I felt. I can recall every no I gave that he seemed to disregard. This unwelcome guest is no longer a guest it seems to have moved in. Always there, reminding me of my stollen innocence. This guest doesn't try and hide instead he lefts himself be...