I swear they hate me

But I know they don’t

But I can’t get the thought out of my head

Fuck here we go again

Maybe its because i never had friends

Before the one I have now

Though sometimes i swear she hates me too

But I know she doesn’t

She is just tired

We are all fucking tired

Because life is hard

And maybe thats why I think people hate me

Why my mind is poisoning itself

And why words and ryhmes

Are the only thing to soothe the storm

And fuck I made it all about me again

Maybe I am poisoning everyone else

Maybe they do really hate me?

But I know they don’t

And everyone else would say the same thing

But now my breathing is getting heavier

And I can’t steady it out

But I don’t want to put my problems on others

again

and again

and again

So I push through

The pain in my chest

The heavy breathing

The thoughts that just won’t go away

I try to forget that my mere existence

Feels like poison

Though I guess poison is poetic

Even if it feels like shit

And I think I am oversharing

But of course I am oversharing

Because you really wants to hear my thoughts

My my poisonous problems

I feel like I am invading privacy

That I am asking too much

That I am being too much

That I am being a bitch

I wont correct people if they still say I’m bi

And I need to eat less

I need to stop asking for so much

And start doing more

I need to stop being lazy

And I need to do work

But for now here is the poison

My mind spouts

Make of it what you will

(This is what intrusive thiughts feel like. Its awful. The combo on anxiety ocd adhd and possible autism give me crippling fear of everything, i am scared of being perceived and I ALWAYS think people are mad at me. I don’t know what to do. But i will push through)