I left you,

Not the other way around.

I promised I wouldn’t return,

Yet here I am, still yearning,

To be lost in you,

Drowned in the ache that’s always true.

It’s breaking me—

You break me—

In the sweetest of pains,

In the sharpest of stains.

It’s all me, I know,

My fault, my choice.

You’d tell me not to blame myself,

But how could I silence that voice?

I did this.

And now I wish to return—

But how could I? How should I learn?

How could I come back after the wreck,

When I’m the one who shattered the deck?

Sometimes, I wish we’d never met,

So I could flee this sorrow, this debt.

But who would I be, if not for you?

What part of me would remain true?

Not the girl you knew—

Not the one I thought I’d be.

You’re not breaking my heart,

No, I’m breaking it, piece by piece.

I leave, then return,

And each time, it tears me deeper.

All because of my selfishness,

The cruelty of my own distress.

I’m sorry. I truly am.

But can apologies fix this?

How am I the one to scream,

When I was the one who tore the seam?

I never asked for this regret,

But here it is, tangled in my chest.

If only I could decide,

If only I could turn back the tide.

But it’s not fair to hurt you,

When it’s always about me, the one who let go.

Now I wonder—should I reach out?

Will you care? Will you doubt?

Will you even hear my call,

Or have I lost you to it all?

Who is she? I know she’s my past,

But seeing you with her—

It cuts like glass.

Why,

Why,

Why,

Me—

I’m fine, alone, at peace for a while,

But the moment I see you, I lose my smile.

You broke me just standing there,

And you never even knew, unaware.

I write these words of silk,

Day and night,

Knowing they’ll never reach your light.

Oh, but I want you to,

Just like I still want you.

But how can I want what I let slip away?

How can I long for the price I chose to pay?

If I ask again, will you say yes?

When I once told you to say no, to my mess?

I wrote this fate,

But somehow,

I don’t want it to end, somehow.

I lie awake,

Wondering why I let you go.

Then I recall the lies I told,

But what would the truth bring,

How would it unfold?

You made me a promise,

Said you’d keep it,

But will you truly,

Or did we both just forget?

So many questions left unanswered,

And yet, I’m told,

“Have faith, trust in Him.”

But where was He when you slipped from my grip?

What did I do to deserve this ache?

The longing for the one I can’t take?

What did I do to deserve this pain?

To want what I’ve lost, but can’t regain?

And you tell me to pick up His book,

But all I see are memories,

Of you, the love I took,

I can’t read the pages without the thought of him,

Of what we built, and what’s grown dim.

And still, I wonder—

If you’ll let me,

I’ll piece my heart back together,

Bit by bit,

Only, only if you’ll have me—

Just a little bit.

(Was in my feelings again—My attempt at a poem, might not be the best)