I want someone to hold onto

I want someone to hold onto me

I need soft love

Love that makes me feel warm

And appreciated

And wanted

And smart

I need someone who will call me pretty

Not hot

Someone who calls me

Baby

Love

Cutie

Not “babe”

I need someone who kisses

Like we have all the time in the world

Not someone who wants me naked

I need someone who hugs me

And cuddles me

And sneaks up behind me

To pinch my sides for no reason

I need someone who doesn’t care

About being nonchalant or not

That’s stupid

I need someone

who’s committed to a good time in 2 years

Not a good time tonight

I need someone who sees what I need

What I want

What I can’t stand

What hurts me and helps me

Without me telling them

I need someone who

Makes me feel pretty without makeup

Or when I’m bloated

Or when I’m tired

I need someone emotionally mature

Someone who isn’t afraid of tears

Because I cry a lot

I need someone who will yap

For hours

About some video game

Or book series

Or movie

Or sport

Without expecting a response

And someone who listens to me the same way

I need someone who would get on my horse

Not on my nerves

Someone who understands

When I can’t be touched at all

And when I need their hands all over me

I should be able to find someone

Who’s respectful

And caring

And somewhat smart

And kinda cute

That doesn’t just care if I’m dtf

But do I deserve that?

I’m not very nice

Or super pretty

Or caring

I don’t have enough to offer

To expect so much in return

But don’t I deserve to be loved anyway?

Maybe I should be called hot

Maybe “babe” is what I deserve

Maybe I should get snap

And be dtf

Maybe I should drop out of school

Maybe I’m too young for all of this

Maybe I should stay single

I’m spiraling

Watching my life flow down the drain

Wishing I had someone to guide me

Hoping they would make it better

Nobody asks for my number

Or my snap

Or my instagram

“Because I’m intimidating”

But maybe I’m just pretty

The kind of pretty that turns heads

Not bodies

The kind of pretty that people notice

But never remember

Or care about

I’m rambling now

But I never had an end goal for this poem

I never had something guiding my thoughts

My actions

I need a North Star

Someone I can look up to

Someone who’s beams of light

Shine down on me

Lighting my darkest moments

When my own sun has set

I need a North Star

A constant in my life

Someone I can always look for

Always find

When I’m stumbling through the dark

I need a North Star

And I need to get some sleep