Severus Snape scowled as he witnessed what was in front of him.

He was sitting at a cafe table outside of a locally owned bakery. In the shore side town, muggles with fancy hats strolled briskly to and fro. Some purchased the fresh catch along the pier, others twittered about the apparent world war that was occurring in this universe. It all gave Snape quite the headache.

The city street was busy, yes, but not as busy as what awaited customers once inside the bakery at which he was sitting. Men lined up for what seemed like miles, not only to buy the delicious baked goods in front of them, but to get a look at the muggle girl at the counter selling them. Lettie, he recalled, was her name.

Of course, Gilderoy Lockhart was the wizard who cracked inter-dimensional travel. Of course, he was too cowardly to test it on a wizard subject by himself, and begged Snape to come with him. (Dumbledore had told Snape, “It would be a great opportunity for you to get out of that dank potion room at least!”) Of course, he had to take Snape to a universe so focused on beauty and bustle, a universe that would have fit Lockhart like a glove. There, they bumped into a wizard who must have noticed the interdimensional rift created by Lockhart’s invention. He called himself “Howl”, like that lousy wolf oaf Remus Lupin. And, of course, Howl happened to be every bit a peacock as Lockhart.

The two well-preened wizards sat at the same cafe table as each other, a small distance away from Snape’s own.

Lockhart was dressed in blue robes, his favorite color to match his eyes. His hair was combed back in a large quaff with Sleekeazy’s Hair Potion, not a single hair out of place. He wore an intrigued, but restrained expression, as though he was fascinated by Howl, but jealous of his equally matched opponent.

Howl on the other hand, was dressed in a peculiar red and black diamond patterned suit. His strawberry hair somehow perfectly matched the look. A shiny glass and gold earring hung from one of his ears, catching the sunlight as he talked to Lockhart. While Lockhart seemed intimidated, Howl didn’t have a care in the world. He reclined in his chair stirring a cup of tea he had purchased with his muffin in the bakery. Snape noticed his dismissive air around Lockhart as he kept glancing at the various women around the city street. He would occasionally turn and wink at a few ladies as they passed their cafe table.

And Snape thought Lockhart was vain.

Snape, having grown bored of simple observations of the universe around him, tuned into their conversation.

“I’ve written several books you see. I once lost my memory in a freak accident. I had to rediscover who I was as a wizard. Thank the Ministry I didn’t lose my ability to charm the ladies throughout the whole process…” Gilderoy set down the pastry he was eating and dabbed at the corners of his mouth with a napkin.

Howl nodded, faking interest. “Ah yes. People lose themselves from time to time. I often help the women that follow me with that issue as well. It’s interesting to help them, for a while, until I get bored of them and they beg outside of my castle. I’m sure they felt just like you in that moment. It can be hard to find yourself after losing something so great.”

Snape could have sworn Howl flipped his shoulder length hair a little as he jabbed at Lockhart.

Lockhart, trying to recover said, “Ah yes of course. That happens to me too. Don’t even get me started…”

Howl took a sip of his tea, and noticed Snape’s eyes on their conversation. He waved him over, nose still in his cup. As if Snape was someone at his beck and call.

Snape reluctantly walked over to their table and stood by it. Out of defiance he didn’t sit down. He glared down at the two of them as if they were his potions students.

Lockhart offered an uneasy smile and laugh at Snape as he stood over them like a shadow. “Dear friend Severus, how lovely of you to join us. We were just speaking of the lovely feat of…interdimensional travel…. Snape, tell our host Howl about how excited you were to travel with the first inventor of a dimensional space machine.”

Snape turned to Howl. “Overjoyed,” he said with his usual clipped tone.

Howl leaned forward, rested his elbows on the table, clasped his hands and rested his pointer fingers on his lips. “Yes, you were just telling me about how you two planned to go back to your world. Did you create a round-trip ticket?”

Gilderoy Lockhart paled a little, and a bead of sweat betrayed his composure and his quaff of perfect hair. “Why of course. It should be as simple as it was getting in.”

As far as Snape remembered, it was not easy getting in. But he was amused and pressed him further. “Yes. Remind me, Lockhart, how do we get back? You’ll have to educate me, I’m not as talented with interdimensional travel as I am potions.”

Lockhart was visibly uneasy now, his hands fidgeting with his used napkin on the table. “Well yes… we just go back to the same place we entered in… and cast the spell for the keyhole of course. Then we… we take my magic key from my pocket…”

Lockharts hands traveled to the inside of his baby blue robes in search for the key pocket. His eyes widened, and he began to frantically pat himself down, as if there were spiders crawling on him.

“Ha ha… the busy mind of a successful wizard… you can imagine how forgetful I can be with all of my great ideas.”

Howl closed his eyes, smiling into his hands trying not to laugh.

Snape would have found this amusing too, if it hadn’t been for the fact that he was stuck here too.

Lockhart popped out of his seat, searching any surface around him for the interdimensional key that had gotten them there.

“It must be around here somewhere… I’m sure it’s no big deal.”

It was, in fact, a big deal.

Snape was about to leap across the space between him and Lockhart to unleash an unforgivable curse or two on him when Howl stood up.

“No need to fret my friends. I have already invented interdimensional travel. How else would I be able to woo all of the pretty ladies from other worlds?”

Lockhart was dumbfounded. Snape was relieved.

“I will take you two back to where you came from. I wouldn’t have much success in my work as a wizard if the two of you were around messing things up.” Howl started walking into town, away from the direction of the pier.

Snape knew better than to waste his breath on a wizard like Howl. He was just glad this escapade would be over, and he could report the tremendous failings of Lockhart to Dumbledore once again.

Lockhart, by contrast, began defending himself in the most nonchalant manner he could muster as he weaved through the crowd keeping up with Howl.

Snape tuned them both out as they headed to their ticket home. He couldn’t wait to get back in the Slytherin dungeons and take an overly effective sleeping drought.