my eyes were open when i had my first kiss

it had been a surprise truly,

he had tilted my head towards him

and kissed me

my eyes were open,

except i didn’t see the mistake

he tried to put his tongue in my mouth

that’s where i drew the line

(a second line-

he had crossed the first)

nausea turned in my stomach

for he kissed me again

and again,

and four times more

and then more during school

it was horrid,

i didn’t want to leave my bed,

i cried myself to sleep

i hated every moment our lips touched

it still feels like that,

even when it isn’t him kissing me

because when she kissed me,

i almost choked on the bile,

it got too close to my tongue

for me to be comfortable,

she was clingy, so i stopped it

before it even began.

i don’t ever want to be kissed again,

and yet that is what i long for,

to be kissed

i should make up my mind,

before they make it for me