_(If this is confusing, sorry, my mind is a mess and I just complied 90% of my thoughts into this. This is everything all at once. Hope you have a great day!)_

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I can’t get help,

It’s far out of reach.

I’d have to

Admit

I need help,

But I can’t

I am

“Little miss independent”

“Little miss strong”

“Little miss gifted”

“Little Miss Perfect”.

I can’t help but worry,

What would happen

If I told my parents?

They’d probably

Go around and tell

The whole damn family

Because our family is like a

Game of fucking telephone.

I can rarely even tell

My closest friends when

I sruggle.

I’m getting tired.

Some days,

I wish I could die

But,

I made a promise.

I know I need help,

I’m falling apart.

Is this the burnout

From being a gifted kid?

Because I can’t

Focus nor read.

It’s like I’m stuck

In a paralyzis,

I can’t move to do my work.

I mean,

Physically, I can

But,

I’m mentally

Blocked and overwhelmed.

I have no on to blame

But me.

I’m a fucking mess.

Hygiene is getting hard again,

That’s great for me.

I want to die,

No,

I want help.

I want someone to know

I’m drowning in my mind

And

I need help.

I don’t know how much longer

I can keep on pretending.

I am a mess of thought.

I’m scared to say

I want help.

I’m scared my parents will

Find out through a

Friend

Because I’ve gotten

Really fucking bad.

I’m scared of how

I’ll turn out without any help.

I’m scared of what will happen

If I don’t finish my schoolwork

In time.

I’m running out of time!

I’m just scared.

I’m scared.

I

Am

Scared

And tired.

Please don’t love

Me.

Please don’t leave

Me.

I don’t know.

I want to be loved

(I crave affection or at least a little attention)

But I don’t

(Because I haven’t done anything to deserve it).

I want you to leave

(Because I deserve it)

But I don’t

(Because I need you).

I want to love

(Because everyone needs love)

But it’s hard

(It can be hard, especially to love yourself).

I’m a mess of thoughts

And pain.

I love you,

But I can’t understand

How you love me.

How do you love me?

Help is out of reach

But, just maybe, one day,

I’ll run to it.