(Tw: self harm, not graphic, [im ok])

Not yet.

It’s funny that whenever something goes wrong

Whenever I feel the slightest bit shitty

My mind jumps to the pleasure

Of having a knife cut my flesh

I have a headache

I know how to get rid of it

Not yet.

Sometimes I don’t see the point

In not doing using it

It’s not like there’s anything better to do

In my trapped little life

What if psychologically

I can’t feel happy without it?

That’s impossible, I know

But still-

NOT YET.

Today I was so close

But then I checked the date

And I went into my notes app

And checked the date I wrote down there

And I realized that I couldn’t,

**Not yet.**

****

****

As of thirty minutes ago, I am officially one month clean

And you bet that

Not yet

I’m gonna ruin it.