STORY STARTER

Submitted by Ed Rowe

Write from the perspective of a family puppy adapting to a newborn baby coming home for the first time.

The First Lesson

The cloying stench of baby oil and soiled diapers clung to every hair on my body. Disgusted, I edged to the door. I gave sad eyes to Kind Lady and Big Guy. They didn’t even look up. Their eyes were glued to it. I gave my most pitiful whimper. Nada. Nothing. Zilch.


I sighed and headed for my dog bed in the kitchen. From the living room, the bundle screamed in victory as I walked away in defeat. In mid-lick with legs akimbo, Mister Fluff-Fluff sat in my bed. Can this day get any worse, I thought. I low growled, leave or lose a leg, hairball. Unperturbed, the cat slurped. I circled Mister Fluff-Fluff with all the fury my 12-pound frame possessed. I pounched. Lightning fast, Mister Fluff Fluff whipped around. Skippity-paps rained down knocking me quiet. Surprised stupid, I froze.


I blinked. Mister Fluff Fluff slapped my forehead.


“Zip your piehole, pipsqueak. I don’t care if you bark yourself into a trip to the animal shelter, but I got into the catnip. Good stuff. You ruin my buzz and I’ll wear your guts for garters,” Mister Fluff Fluff said.


I went to skulk away. Mister Fluff Fluff flashed a large paw on my neck and held me in place. Cats, no living with them, no living with them, I thought ruefully. First Kind Lady disappeared. Then she returned with it, some kind of stinky bundle that makes horrible noises. Ever since it arrived it is like i disappeared. no belly rubs, no snuggly-huggly time, not one single solitary bow wow treat. Day after day, nothing but Kind Lady and Big Guy talking about the baby. My despair was a mighty canyon. And just when I thought my life couldn’t get worse a fat cat is smushing my neck. I waited. Cats love long villain speeches. He would talk my ear off then scratch it off. I huffed.


“Whelp, what is the difference between a dog and a wolf?” Mister Fluff Fluff said.


I huffed again. It’s one thing to have to listen to a long villain monologue, but I’m not going to make it a duet. The cat extended and retracted his claws.


“Ow! Okay, wolves are dogs with bad PR. I don’t know,” I said.


Get to the point, you fleabitten hairball, I thought. The cat gave me another slap and then he pressed my neck down harder.


“Patience. Wild animals adapt to their environment. Cultivated animals, we adapted our pets to take care of us,” Mister Fluff Fluff said.


“So what does that have to do with that bundle of horribleness?” I growled.


The cat let me up. Eye to eye, we stared at each other. No one wins a cat staring contest. I bowed my head, signalling I was ready to listen.


“Remember I was here long before you. Sweet Lap and the Hairy One were all mine. I was here when Squishy was born. She was horrid. Projectile vomiting and so on and so forth. I thought for certain I was doomed. Yet, I have patience. I hunkered down. I persevered. Soon I discovered Squishy had the most delightful cozy items to sleep on. And she was always covered in savory treats. It took mindful training but Squishy domesticated wonderfully. I am her queen and she is my precious,” the cat said. “Now I have Squishy, Sweet Lap, and the Hairy One.”


Afternoon light caught in Mister Fluff Fluff’s ginger mane. Glowing in orangey flames of wisdom, the cat licked a paw clean. Huffing, I stomped away and returned to the living room. I stared at the bundle, the baby. Its little hand reached up from its blanket. I cocked my head in thought.


I scurried back to Mister Fluff Fluff. The fatty was curled up in my bed. Head low in deference, I walked over. I waited with a happy tail. The cat opened a single green gold eye.

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