Well fuck.

Letting my grades slip

Not doing my homework

Drawing on the bathroom walls

Cutting myself again

What am I doing?

It’s like I’m prepared

For my life to be over

Or at least to run away

But I haven’t run away yet

What the fuck is up with me?

Trying to write lyrics

Avoiding the mirror at all costs

Reading during lunch to forget

The knawing of my appetite

What the fuck am I doing?

Motherfucker.

Anxiety attacks

Randomly

Except it’s not random

And I keep checking the news

Seeing if the kids died

Or if they’re still in critical condition

And I keep seeing

That blood running down his neck

That looked like bad movie effects

And I keep glancing

To see if she’s glancing back

She’s not of course

And I keep writing

Determined not to tell anyone

About my pain

And I keep REALIZING

Again and again

That I am becoming

Everything that

That little kid

Would hate.

I need out

Anyway

Anywhere

Whether down below or just

To another city

Where I’ll figure a way to survive

Sure, my “friends” will all miss me

I’m scared that I’m

Holding it all together

And if I am?

That makes me even more certain

That I never belonged here anyways.