die before they reach twenty because all the anti-aging serums are filled with enormous amounts of lead—the Food and Drug Administration just gave up at some point due to all the persistent lobbying from beauty companies—and heaps of toxic chemicals were added to products without ever consulting anyone other than their money-hungry shareholders. How dystopian.

And so, Cypher began to contract a multitude of health issues at the elderly age of 21, all which only affected his liver, his appendix, both of his kidneys, his lungs, his brain, his cardiovascular system, and the mechanical upper body appendage that apparently had nothing to do with biological material. He was only barely held together. In fact, the hard metals that passed through him at all hours of the day actually became necessary for him to function; without these chemicals and hazardous waste outlawed a hundred years ago, Cypher would certainly go into shock and likely explode soon after.

He checked the clock. Forty minutes till his next birthday and he would be amongst the oldest people on earth. It was a miracle he even made it this far—especially since most "old" people were ejected into space. It was only custom.

Though not a single wrinkle appeared on his face, he checked the mirror tracing his less-than-perfectly smooth skin. Cypher believed he needed to be more beautiful than ever on this special occasion. He applied an expensive, previously-used (but unused by him) cream to his body, and it had the following ingredient list, which are still somehow mandated by the FDA:

Timeless Beauty (Lead, Shea Butter, Hyaluronic Acid, Thallium, and trace amounts of other heavy metals), Red 40, Red 3, High Fructose Corn Syrup, Red 992, Mercury Compounds, Calcium Compounds, Palm Oil, Asbestos Fibers, Water, Chlorine Enriched Water, Ammonia Enriched Water, Salt, Pepper, Garlic Powder, Sodium Enriched Bleach, Gasoline, Pesticides (Phosphorous Acid, Bromadiolone, Abamectin, and John's Silly Insect Solution™), Mold and Mildew Remover, Unbleached Enriched Flower, Industrial Degreaser, Artificial Flavor, and Uranium Fragments.

Despite lasting remarkably longer than a majority of any human alive today, Cypher died within fifteen seconds of putting the concoction on his skin, and it was over rather quick. He melted into a big pile of goo. But, it wasn't considerably painful because Cypher could hardly feel anything beyond the age of 15; It was all those anti-defecation injections. Pooping was viewed as unsightly.

The Beauty Industry gained a total of $2,706 in sales from the previously-used cream, $4,769,780 in shareholder value during those fifteen seconds, and additional harmless negative publicity, now soon to be surfacing from Cypher's twenty or so clones—among the billions that suffered from the industry it really wasn't all that much more controversy. Even then, around 75% of the victims could be swayed with a single buy one get one free coupon which costed companies less than half a crate of bottled, fresh air.

The moral of the story is don't let the companies win. They only care for shareholders.