(satirical piece)

I sat down next to this girl

She was quite a pretty lass

But when I gave her a little twirl

I almost made her fall, so I had to grab her ass

So she wouldn’t fall on her face

She got back up and angrily looked at me

Saying I should be sprayed and hit with a mace

She continued shouting, then kicked my knee

I remembered her leaving

Walking away

But before she left, still raging

She had one more thing to say

“I am so going to write about this

To everyone I know, every friend

On my social media accounts, Chris!

You don’t know it, but you’ll be at your end!”

She left completely

I stood there

Very awkwardly

Confused and struggling to know if I should care

The next day rolls around

As I am at home sleeping

But I suddenly get up, not feeling great or down

Look what’s on my phone, what’s popping

I see a lot of comments from lots of people

“Go kill yourself, you sexist monster!”

“You objectify women. You should feel awful!”

“I don’t know you, I hate what you did to her!”

“You did that? You’re worse than Hitler

“You’re worse than a dozen sexual predators!”

“And I should know since I am one, sir!”

“You sickeningly filthy pervert! One of you sick monsters!”

“That’s not even the right way to do that!”

“To grab a woman’s ass!”

“The right way, I did it with a girl once, is getting out a nice bat-“

I quickly decided to put my phone down, let time pass

I lied down on my bed

Trying to get some rest

Resting my tired head

Going back to my dream, a dream of an awesome gest

Until my window completely shatters, shards going everywhere

Because of some thrown rocks with notes on them

Thrown by those who would dare

To throw rocks at my house, causing mayhem

I got out of bed instantly

Went up to my window

So I could really see

everyone, even those I could know

I saw millions of people

Holding torches, knives, shotguns,

It looked real awful

Even some of my friends were in the crowd, along with other ones

All yelling out different things randomly

“You need to go to Hell!”

“You’re being so toxic to our community!”

“I mean, look at what you’ve done! It’s clearly not swell!”

“There is a big murder spree in Kentucky.”

“But this is much more serious than that!”

“I’m using my time well, as I can see.”

“See you getting what you deserve, you hateful, heartless brat!”

As I looked down at everything, every bit

I knew that I was NOT going to thrive

And that was the moment that I realized it

Wasn’t ever the plan today for me to make it out alive