Okay, so my client

Who’s a weird guy

Has problems

Problems with his dad

His drunk dad

Who was nice but mostly ignored him

Never did too much for him

Who would never show up for anything

Has some problems with his mom

His stoned, horny mom

Being encouraging but just lying around the house all the time

Sometimes completely nude on top of the washing machine

Has some problems with his friends

Making him do dumb things

Boxing a kangaroo, juggling dynamite and baby lions while on a trampoline

Sneaked into a lesbian bar’s bathroom

Finding leftover panties to steal

They wanted him to put one over his face

It would be a boy’s dream

If it was clean and not dripping down all over his face

Making him go downstairs

Without glasses on

Throw water balloons at strangers

Made out of what his friends called “banana flavored water”

Take unprescribed medication

Lying on the floor, drool coming out of his mouth

As he was riding on a goblin, fire-breathing unicorn

Getting away from a giant cobra man

Make him eat a banana

In front of a few girls

He grabbed it and shoved it

Way down his throat

Just like his friends told him to

He moved the banana up and down in his mouth

Got beaten up by the girls

Beaten up senselessly

Also got him drunk

When he was drunk, they made him do lots of things

Ride on a bull, make out with a dog, fight with a nun

Dress up as the Kool-Aid Man, who got himself in trouble

Specifically in Illinois

When he burst through J. B. Pritzker’s house

He had to move to Kentucky, here with me

He is seen as a danger to that state

Ever since he’s lived here

Grew up here

And hasn’t done much

Other than cutting out his eye, getting a cat, and making himself look like a supervillain

Has some problems all around

A very moody guy

A very out-of-control guy

A very aggressive guy

Not the best guy to be with

Or talk with for that matter

Especially when he brings his weapons

And tries to kill me

He always says he’s sorry

Lets me pet his really cute cat

And then talks about his childhood trauma

So I guess that’s all okay

I just felt like writing this

To inform you that he’s been using a vacuum

This scares me because I know that “it” could get stuck in it

I know he wants to have a way to cope

To cope with what’s happened to him

But I don’t think doing that

To a vacuum cleaner will help things

Or make himself better

Look, I’ve had a lot of patients

From a stressed-out squiggly line, always zigging and zagging

A talking, sophisticated horse, an angel, tired from working in Heaven

A Bigfoot and yeti couple fighting over a divorce

A grey alien talking about his childhood trauma

Of getting accidentally probed

Right in the rectum to the mouth

Can struggle to do his job, probing others

I’ve cared for every one of them

As I want them to come out better

Having better lives

Regardless of what their problems are or who they are

Which is why I wanted to write down

A concern for that particular patient

Also he, at worst, bruises me

Never doing anything that badly to me as he has tried to kill me

Now, I am going to stop writing

Writing about this concern

As I have to deal with a new patient

A robot confused over how it should feel

After it destroyed a whole planet full of people and other robots like it