I don’t want pity

I don’t want shame

But i am really fucking sick

Of the never ending pain

My blood pressure is low

My heart rate is high

I’m dizzy and I am crying

It feels like I’m dying

“Its all fun and games till someone gets hurt”

What kind of twisted game is this?

Was I dealt a bad hand?

Or is it all just by chance?

I am 14 for fucks sake

And I am getting a cane

So I can walk and stand

But wouldn’t it be grand

If that was a given

Every day I wake up

Something else hurts

Or I am tired

Or something happened over night

My insulin pumps keep leaking

I need to eat less carbs

I take so many pills

Just to survive in this world

I am just so tired

Of never getting better

Of always feeling sick

Then feeling like I am faking it

I have a headache from sobbing

Because breakdowns happen

When your health

holds you back

I may graduate early

But i will never be fully better

I will nevwr have biological kids

Because why would I want a child to suffer like me

Will anyone love me?

I know people have it worse.

But the pressure in my chest

Means the anxiety is swelling

And my heart is beating fast

And I just want it to go away

So sometimes I dissociate

Or get lost in doing something else

Because if even for a moment

I can pretend I’m fine

It makes it a bit better

It seems like I am exaggerating

Because every day is different

I have my ups and downs

My highs and lows

But one thing remains consistent

I am never ever fine

And this sick game of life

Where I am a pawn on the board

Will it go on and on

Will My pawn get promoted

But the queen still feels pain

She just has a handkerchief

To wipe away the tears

(Sorry guys Ik it’s another health one but i am running on 3.5 hours of sleep but i took 3 naps today and had soda so that added to it. I had a complete breakdown about my health today because i am just so sick of my body)