(PLEASE DO NOT FOLLOW THIS ADVICE, IT’S ALL SATIRE!)

Chapter One:

The Do’s

Misery: a state or feeling of great distress or discomfort of mind or body.

Misery seems to be something everyone has in common today. The whole world has seemed to develop anxiety, depression, or another mental health disorder. Suicide rates are scary, and murder rates are even scarier.

Yet we live in a world full of “self-help” journals, videos, and influencers, but are these really helping. After doing extensive research within my own mind, body, and soul I have created a world renowned list of go to life tips. seeing as I’m happy, healthy, and thriving.

Let’s jump into it :)

1. Do Drink

I’ve always loved the saying “It’s 5PM somewhere” because the notion of not drinking before 5PM is dumb. Now I am not going to say it’s okay to become an alcoholic, mainly because alcohol taste disgusting and it’s not my place to tell you what to do. What I will say is that alcohol will always be a healpful right hand man.

At times life feels like it gained a few pounds and is getting harder to carry. So when that’s the case I highly recommend taking a shot, it makes you feel stronger.

Drinking at time is an essential part of life, especially on days when our boss’ are micromanaging every little thing from sending an email to SHARPENING A FUCKING PENCIL(I’m not getting into that right now). Days liike that take a shot is required.. or 3, around 12PM… or 9AM

Moral of the story, if you want a drink, have a drink.

2. Do Drugs

Drugs are Resplendently Euphoric! If you want to be happy simply do drugs- crack, weed, meth. Let’s be honest soemtimes the crackheads at the gas stations seem happier than most of the world.

Not only will drugs make you happy, but they can maky you MONEYYYY which will make you even happier. Selling drugs is a risky business, but can be highly rewarding when done right, just ask Al Capone

3. Do Sleep In

Sleeping in is helpful, and doctor recommended(maybe they weren’t the top of their class in medical school, but at least they got in)

We are surrounded by people who live for the opinions of others, a world we’re people can make millions just from likes and comments. How dumb does that sound. I am being utterly and completely honest when I say those people are probably miserable. An ideal life is one where others can not stand to be around you, where they won’t pester you with their own thoughts and opinions because honestly who cares.

I’m not going to keep listing my world renowned advice, but i’ll summarize it for you.

Do what you want, when you want.

Do who you want, where you want.

Do not care about what others say or think, their life is properly shitty anyway.