(satirical piece)

I loved my son

Yes, I did very much

Whenever I looked at him with me on the internet

But in real life, oh, no, I wish I could have killed him

‘cause of how annoying he was

He always whined and complained

He always said “Why do I always have to be happy?” this

Or “Why do I always have to follow a tight schedule?” that

Well, it was to make sure you were always happy!

Happy enough to where I could take photos

Photos of us together as the perfect dad and son

That got so many comments, likes, views, and, hearts

So I don’t know how my son ended up the way he did

A failure

A lazy, fat, depressed slob

I don’t know how that one moment

That one during the school fair

When he told his teacher that I did everything

Everything for his project

Yet he still got an A+ and was considered the best student in his grade

Made him so upset

He jumped out of his class’s window

Ran off while violently crying and screaming

Was lost, never found

Which made me so down

I mean, I don’t know what I did wrong

Should I have been more controlling?

Should I have made him do more things he didn’t want to do?

Should I have made him understand why getting hearts is so good?

Like getting a kiss from a big booby nun in my church?

Okay, maybe the last thing is something I shouldn’t have done

But what I should have done to him when he was found

Found being fat, lazy, depressed, and a slob

Living in a small house

Having not much money

And lets his dog take care of and do everything for him

‘Cause, apparently, he can’t do anything or feel anything good

I should have gotten to his house

Find him and beat him up in front of his own dog

To make him learn a lesson

That you should let your parents help you in life