A bell rings as someone big, hairy in a messy, unkempt way, wearing a white t-shirt, a pair of shorts, sandals, and a nice-looking cardigan. “Hey, uh, man, I have been in New Jersey for a bit for a friend of mine and his upcoming wedding with a sweet Jewish girl from here and I just wanna nice drink to-“ the Dude gets interrupted. “Okay, dude. Shut the fuck up. Let’s talk about something important,” Randal said happily. “Do you ever think that Lois Lane can get ‘super fucked’ by Superman in both that she gets hurt and super fucked by him, she cries and cums everywhere,” Randal said rudely in the Dude’s face as he crossed his arms and faked a smile. “I’m sorry, dude. But is there something wrong, dude? ‘Cause I think that you’re more likely to act out when you’re a little fucked-up. You know, you just, uh, feel different. A bit of a changed dude,” the Dude says as he looks at Randal funny. Randal turns away from the Dude, looking up and and having his hand under his chin. “Oh, I know!” Randal says as he looks at the dude and sticks his index finger out. “A, no, I’m not on any drugs. ‘Cause that would mean I would be with the two chucklefucks out there,” said Randal as he got out his thumb, pointing at Jay and Silent Bob. Silent Bob was looking at the Dude and Randal while smoking a joint, smiling and waving his hand to them as Jay was dancing while also trying to smoke a joint. He falls and drops his joint. “Oh, fuck!” Jay shouted. Jay looks for his joint, picks it up, and pulls on Silent Bob’s trench coat. “Oh, dude. I couldn’t do the two things I love most, Silent Bob. Dancing really fucking well and getting high as fuck. Ah, well, this shit’s still probably good,” says Jay as he turns around when getting up, looking at the Dude and Randal. The Dude smiles and gets his hand out to greet them. “Hey, dude, you want some of this fuckin’ shit? I’m a professional at smoking some fucking shit, and this is some good fucking shit! Fuckin’ A grade shit, man!” Jay says as he waved at the Dude, and really points at the joint he has as Silent Bob continued to smile and nod. “You know, they don’t seem like chucklefucks to me, man,” said the Dude as he lightly smiled and nodded his head to them. The dude gets smacked by Randal, turning around and looking at Randal. “B, I need to give birth to a big Wookie baby in the bathroom, which is code for ‘I gotta take a big shit.’ And C, after that, I’m just going to read some old Batman comics. That okay?” said Randal as he touches the Dude on his shoulder, showing him that same awkward smile. “Okay. Fine. You do you, man. But, uh, is there anyone here who, you know, could help me out?” the Dude asked. “Yeah, I know the perfect guy for actually doing their job. He’s right here, sitting on his ass reading a newspaper,” says Randal as he points and looks at Dante at the counter, holding a newspaper against his face. Dante puts down the newspaper and looks at Randal and the Dude. “How can I be of service, man? And NOT just be sitting on my ass reading some damn newspaper. It’s pretty bad, has a lot of ads pretty much taking up the whole thing,” said Dante as he throws the newspaper away and gets to be completely focused on Randal and the Dude. “Thanks, Hickey. Now, excuse me, as I “Lights! Camera! And shit!” shouted Randal as he clapped and used both of his hands to point at the bathroom, then walked to the bathroom. The Dude turns around to the counter and walks over there. “Hey Hickey, can I, um, ask you a question, man?” The dude asked Dante as he lowered himself down to the counter so he can be at the same level as Dante’s. “Yeah, sure. Go ahead. But if the question is “Why does he call you Hickey?” No, it’s not my name. It’s a fucking awful nickname he’s called me for a while when he played another porno of a guy fucking this blonde chick. The blonde chick was going ‘Oh, Hickey! Oh, Hickey! Fuck me harder!’ said Dante, pretending to sound like that blonde chick. “Make that cock be lightning because it’s giving me an intense shock! Keep going, Cock Shock Hickey!’ And ever since then, he’s called me that nickname because my last name is Hicks. Allow me to introduce myself. My name is Dante Hicks,” said Dante as he got out his hand. “That’s cool. I’m the Dude,” said the Dude as he shook hands with Dante. “You can also call me His Dudeness, Duder, or El Duderino. I don’t care if you call me any of those ones, but, like, it’s good to know,” said the Dude as he looks at Dante with a chill look on his face. “What? What are you talking about? What did you want to say?” said Dante confused over what the Dude just said to him. “Oh, right. Uh, I wanted a Kahlúa White Russian, man,” said The Dude as he pointed to the drinks behind Dante. “Okay, man, I’ll get the Kahlúa for you,” said Dante as he went over to the mini-fridge and got out a Kahlúa White Russian for the Dude. “Here you go. One Kahlúa White Russian. That’ll be 12 dollars,” said Dante as he puts the drink down on the counter. The Dude sees the drink, picks it up, opens it, and start drinking. “Hey, what do you think you’re doing? I just said you had to fuckin’ pay for that. 12 goddamn dollars! Doce dolares, El Duderino!” shouted Dante. “I’m sorry. What?” the Dude said as he stopped drinking. “You need to pay for that. It costs 12 dollars. Which is ‘doce dolares.’ I called you ‘El Duderino.’ You can’t just drink unless you’ve already paid for it,” said Dante in a continuously monitone voice and irritated tone. “Oh yeah, uh, I’ll get that,” said the Dude as he got into one of his pockets to get out the money. “Hey, man, when you were talking, it kinda reminded me of this guy named Jesus. He’s a fuckin’ weird guy. He’s considered a sex offender for exposing himself to an eight-year-old. Both my friend Walter and I think that he’s still doing weird stuff like that with how he does this with his fucking bowling balls,” said the Dude as he gets out the cash and starts backing away from the counter. The dude shakes as he moves his hands up and down around his crotch. “Yeah, it would be really surprising if this guy wasn’t even just slightly horny or if that incident was on pure accident. With what he does to his balls in public,” Dante says as he nods with a dull look on his face. “You know, I would hate it if I had to go through that. I mean, I’ve lost several women throughout my life as in relationships and in death. I’m in a really fucking horrendous

job with no boss, no one who actually shows up to buy anything pretty much, and I’m with someone who is only an adult in age. Who also just happens to be one of my only few friends. Best friend at that. I think I would kind of just lose it,” said Dante as his hands go through his hair, trying to massage his scalp out of anxiety and frustration. “Yeah, I think you would also lose it if you saw Princess Leia’s tits out,”says Randal as he walk out of the bathroom. “Hey, are you seriously going to just fuck around again? I’m trying to make a sale here! I’m trying to do my fucking job, Randal!” shouted Dante as he got his hands up, moving them all around. “Hey! Hey! Hey, dude! Just calm down, man! It’s not the end of the world! Just relax! It’s okay. Atleast with what I’ve gone through,” the Dude says as he looks at both Randal and Dante. “I was attacked by two fuckwads, who really should have attacked some other guy. One who shoved my head in the toilet. The other guy pissed on my rug. He peed on my rug, man. Because when you, uh, see a room, you’d see a rug. It’s like the missing puzzle piece that makes the puzzle complete. Until it got peed on. Now it’s just pissed. Messes the whole room together. Then I had to give ransom money for a woman, Bunny, who is married to that other guy so she can be free from her kidnappers. I didn’t do that, and what do you know? My fucking peed rug goes poof. Then I got beat up again, got to be in this really bizarre, really fucking- I don’t know dream. I crashed my car. I met a woman who’s in the porn business and makes art while being nude. I had to meet these asshole German nihilists, who threw a fuckin’ ferret in my bathtub. Scared me like crazy. I looked at a kid’s homework to see if it meant fucking anything to this. It did. The little shit refused to say anything, and Walter destroyed some dude’s car because he was that pissed. Then I went inside some guy’s house, got drugged, got fuckin’ beaten up again. Got a cop to throw his goddamn coffee mug at my face and kicked me. Then, I went back home and I saw Bonnie undress herself. I fucked her, and she wanted to have a kid the morning after. Then, I realize with my friend Walter, this whole kidnapping over Bunny was a fucking sham by Bunny, who cut off her own fucking toe for the sham, and the other guy, the other Lebowski. My car’s on fire. Those asshole nihilists were there. And so, we fought, or should I say mostly Walter fought, but then Donny got a heart attack. And then the next day, we put his ashes in a Folgers can, give him this big eulogy, and then we got those ashes out, some of that shit got on my face,” said the Dude as he started to breathe and rubbed his face, looking at Dante and Randal. “And how did you handle all of this fucking shit, dude?” Randal says. “Well, I just kept drinking and bowling. That’s pretty much it. Just went back to doing what I was doing before,” said the Dude as he got his drink and walked out of the store. The Dude stops at the door and turns around. “Whatever happens, happens. I can’t just let whatever happens beat me down now. I’ll just end up stuck somewhere in life,” said the Dude as Dante and Randal look at each other. Randal looks at Dante with a sly smile and a raised eyebrow. Dante frowns and groans while looking at Randal. “So, like I’ve always said, the Dude abides,” said the Dude as he opens the door, leaving and drinking his Kahlúa White Russian. “I’m gonna hang out with him. See ya, Cock Shock Hickey. I’m going with him,” said Randal as he went towards the door. “Hey, where the fuck are you going? We still need to work,” says Dante, spreading his arms out, being aggravated. Randal leaves the store, going after the Dude. “Fuck! Why is my life like this?!” Dante angrily shouts out as he lies down face first on the counter. “This is the fifth fucking time Randal’s left work during the day. Shit!” Shouted Dante as he lies down face first on the counter once again.