POEM STARTER

Poison.

Write a descriptive poem about something poisonous, and its effect on its target. This could be literal or metaphorical.

Is It Murder If They Did It First?

Poetry

Mystery

Your “love” was poison Crept into my veins Your “love” trapped me Wrists bound by invisible strains

Why couldn’t I notice? Your “love” was fake Even if I thought it was true I should have known it would break

Your “love” nearly choked me Hands pressing against my throat All while singing a song But you never hit the right note

Your “love” is a killer Lurking in the night I was your victim You would hold my heart tight

Just to rip it apart from the seams You nearly ended my life Ignored my screams You didn’t deserve what you had, not even your life

One day I snapped Gave you a taste of pain My kitchen knife is in your back Cleansing your blood from my hands, red water down the drain

Comments 8

The Anarcher

a year ago

I love the personification! It’s an interesting perspective to think of the person’s fake love being the cause of pain rather than the person in some parts. I also really love that last stanza. The language is just so descriptive and a great show not tell moment.

I do have a little bit of feedback though. Some of the rhymes feel a little awkward and forced, like they almost work but just don’t make a lot of sense. A few areas I noticed this in were: Veins/strains- The word “strains” direct meaning is tension or pressure; not really something that can bind. I do feel like a different use of this word could work here, like if the speaker is straining against their restraints or something. You could also replace “strains” with “chains” if you wanted.

Throat/note- I do like the simile of the song and not hitting the right note. However, to make it read more like a simile, you could say “like/as if you were singing a song.”

Keep up the good work!

DjinniRB

a year ago

That last stanza’s fire. “My kitchen knife is in your back red water down the drain,” that line was so visceral.

Rain

a year ago

I’d appreciate any feedback, considering I don’t usually write poems and I’m still working on mastering the art of writing these types of pieces, and especially adding any meaning at all into them.

Hollow Oaks

a year ago

I love the metaphors and the writing in general. It flowed as though it was a rippling creek in a quiet forest.

Rain

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