Ring ring

“Hello, this is Lena from All-State Auto Insurance offering new low rates in your area.”

“Well hello sailor, this is Monica’s Beauty Shoppe Funeral Home where when you die we curl up!”

Dial tone.

Ring Ring.

“Hello this is Bilbao’s Plumbing & Pizzeria. At Bilbao’s the secret is the sauce.”

Dial tone

Ring ring

“This is Bank of America Fraud Alert division notifying you of suspicious activity on your account. May I have your full name?”

“Why should I give you my name? have you lost yours?”

“No…um, to access your account sir I need—“

“Alright, alright, I will loan you my name for a limited time, but I will need your name in exchange.”

“Wait you don’t understand—“

“Wayne-u Donunderstand. I don’t like that. No offense. It’s just a mouthful. No wonder you want mine!”

Dial tone.

Ring ring

“JimJam, sweetie, it’s mom. Been trying to reach you for a bit. I know you’re busy. When you have time, sweetie. Ring me I’m only a call away.”

Dial tone

Ring ring

“Jamie Allen. This is your final notice from the IRS regarding your outstanding balance of $2739. Without a down payment today of a minimum of $1000 the IRS will be forced to seize your bank account.”

“Oh my good gracious not my bank account. Do you accept credit cards?”

“Yes, is it your name on the credit card?”

“Ready, 3 2 1 [ sound of bullhorn].