I check the lock.

Again.

Even though I heard the _click, _my_ _brain_ _plays_ _tricks—

What if I missed it? What if I’m wrong?

I think a thought

Again

And it feels like it’s not mine.

It’s twisted, dark, completely vile—

I flinch, I freeze, I fake a smile

I think of them.

Again.

And then the guilt begins to _hiss._

__

It wasn’t real, it wasn’t right—

What if I’m broken in the night?

I beg my brain.

Again.

“Don’t show me that don’t say those things.”

But silence never really stays.

It echoes in a thousand ways

I make a list.

Again.

Of all the people I’ve hurt in thought.

None are real, but they feel so near—

And all I feel is shame and fear.

I look for proof.

Again.

That I’m not bad, not sick, not cruel..

But every search leads back to _me—_

To questions stacked in misery

They say it’s just a loop.

Again.

But loops don’t **_burn_** like this inside

They don’t accuse. They don’t pretend.

They don’t demand

I just defend

I breathe in slow.

Again.

And say the things I always fear

That thoughts are thoughts…

Not truth nor sin

I’m learning now

Again

To sit with fire, to stay, to wait

To name the voice that isn’t me.

To let me mind just…

_Be_