Oh how I love that woman.

We stay awake till two in the morning sipping a cheeky glass of wine in lingerie and tell stories of the day we’ve had and the men we’ve met.We kick up our feet and sink into the cheap couch we found outside of a dingy old shit hole of a house that we decorated with plush blankets we found on sale and hand sewn patches I watched Alice weave into the old leather as music blasted on the radio.

An old love song we both joked was too cheesy to be an actual outcome of love with some man.

The tales we told was a right laugh and Alice always said she’d loved listening to my voice because how I spoke dripped with passion however truth is that the passion in my voice isn’t because of any man I’ve come across nor is it because these men sparked my attention or lust.

No.

The passion in my voice is to get her excited and intrigue her in a life she believes I am living.

Men draped over me and kissing my feet whilst I play them like fiddles but in fact I am quite alone.

My bed is an empty tomb and my need for affection or attention isn’t met by a man who wears an expensive watch or has that smile supposedly makes me giggle and blush.

I mean,sure I feel bad for all the lies I made her believe and the deception she’s fallen for but if all of the white lies I tell mean to see her giddily clap her hands and squirm in her seat with pure excitement then I’ll gladly be the puppet of her amusement.

I’ll tell a lie.

I’ll tell another lie.

I’ll tell so many lies.

Lies lasted for a good long while.

Lies gave me a good three years of laughs.

But a lie isn’t forever.

That I knew.

That I ignored.

Sometimes I wonder if she’d known.Not about the stories I’d weave or the performance I’d put on but about how I felt within.About the burning need to appease her again and again.The burning desire to watch her smile.The love I needed to receive from her.The burning excruciating love I desperately needed.

Friendly banter wasn’t enough and her touches never lasted as long as I yearned for.

So I told her.

I finally told her.

Only to be met with a chuckle,then a laugh,then a wheeze.