It never changes,

Day after day,

Year after year,

It sits still.

As if frozen in time.

A record scratching.

A case of amnesia.

A lifetime of pain.

It never changes,

And I can’t remember the last time it did.

The seasons switch,

And lives continue.

But mine stays stuck on one factor.

That will never go away.

The days and days of endless struggle.

The days I can pretend to cope.

The days I feel alright.

And the days I can act fine.

But they all feel the same,

Because every day:

I wake up in pain.

And they say it could go away

But it gets worse

And worse and worse.

So no I am not ok!

Its hurts to think of the things I can’t do.

I’m the bag holder.

The table keeper.

The one who stays in the car.

Because I can’t stand to long,

Or do things like make my heart rate high.

Some places are too loud.

But sometimes I can’t even be;

The bag holder.

The table keeper.

The one who stays in the car.

Because some days I can’t function at all.

I think back in time

When I refused to tell anyone that I was sick.

That It was hard to breathe when climbing stairs.

When every meal was torture.

When I was in so much pain I couldn’t move to get the medicine.

And it just never changes.

Day after day

Your world keeps spinning.

But mine is stuck on a factor

That no one can remove.

Stuck in a cycle,

Where every road looks the same,

And I get lost in the woods everyday.

I wake up and I do it all again.

I take the pills.

I force a smile.

And I move on.

Because I have to pretend my earth is spinning:

Even if the leopard hasn’t changed its spots.