These are some of my favorite peices I have written ❤️

**Picked Last**

Wait

Wait

Wait

Wait

Wait

Stop

What happened?

What’s happening?

Where are you going?

Are you mad at me?

No one cares anymore

But its ok

What does it matter anyway

I’ve learned to pretend

To love myself

To mask and to hide

What’s really inside

Why don’t you love me?

Do I even care?

Maybe one day

You will choose me

Before I am last

Don’t

Cry

Cry

Cry

Cry

Cry

Hide

Hide

Hide

Hide

The feelings inside

Its alright

You don’t care anyway

Right?

**Mirror**

Is it a two sided mirror

Or my two sided mind

Are there more of me out there

Or am I one of a kind

Is my reflection watching me?

I’ll hide just in case

Because I know in my eyes

I am a disgrace

Does the mirror hear my words

My screams and cries

To fix my flaws

And tell me anything but lies

Do I see who I am

Who I was, or who I want to be?

Is it all or none?

Doe the mirror know what I need?

Am I fooling myself?

Is it just a peice of flimsy glass

Or did I see it wave

As I walked past

**I forgot how to laugh**

I am forgot what it was like

To laugh

I know Its silly

But its true

There was a time I forgot how to laugh

I had no clue

But when I tried

I couldn’t muster a chuckle

A giggle or a huff

All that came out

Was a strained sort of puff

I forgot how to laugh

One time in the past

I didn’t know what laugh was my last

Because I forgot how to laugh

I forgot how to laugh

Because the world crumbled down

To the ground

And I couldn’t pick up the peices alone

So I didn’t laugh

Because Laughing

Always ended in tears

And I couldn’t be vulnerable with my peers

I forgot how to laugh

Though i know how now

I forgot them

Its not an accomplishment worth a bow

I forgot how to laugh

because things were hard

Because things changed

And because my life was in shards

But its ok now

Because I remembered how to laugh

And how to smile

And how to cry

I know how to laugh now

And it won’t be just for a little while

**Compulsion**

Its an itch

Its so hard to resist

I have to do it

Bounce

Bounce

Bounce

I bounce my leg

To relieve the dread

But it doesn’t really work,

Does it?

I often feel in the wrong

Or as if someone is mad

Are they really mad?

Or is it a trick my mind plays?

Either way I say sorry

I say sorry too much

sorry

sorry

sorry

But people roll their eyes

I can’t stop saying sorry

I promise i am trying

Bug dammit its hard

I dont know if its odd

To constantly worry about others

To anazlyse a twitch

Every movement

Every word

Every sound

Every look

It seems like It has to mean something

are

You

OK?

I ask it every day

All the time

I think people would benefit if i stopped

But I can’t

I don’t know why

Nothing bad would happen

But I can’t stop

Pick

pick

Pick

See that blemish?

That imperfection there?

I pick my face till i bleed

The zits come back

I know it makes it worse

But I have to do it.

I can’t change a thing

Same every time

The questions I ask

The things I say

And the things I do

You aren’t mad at me,

Are you?

**Songs**

Do you feel the songs in your bones?

Dancing theough the structure

Making it their own

But i will glady let them do so

Do you feel the songs pulsating through your body?

Making your heart beat faster

And your cheat to pump.

Vibrating your soul

Like a bomb under the shore

Making you iys prisoner

Though you will gladly indure

Do you feel the songs running through your veins?

Bursting your vessels

As if your its own personal domain

Replacing the red

With lyrics in black and blue

Hoping that you

Will not undo.

Do you feel the songs bursting through your skin?

Itching to break through

Crawling theough your flesh

Every word increasing their desire for escape

Not that you object

Because you need the songs on repeat in your brain

And it can’t be an ending tape.

Do you feel the songs burning through your mind?

Setting your brain on fire

Fueled by lyrics and defiance

Consuming your thoughts

With their well planned melody

Though they are not your enemy.

Do you feel the music

In every way it can be felt?

Music deserves not only to be listened to

But felt in every fiber of being

Listen close next time

As your songs fill your walls.

Maybe the beat with mean something more

Than merely your favorite song.

**I did it**

I came out today

Nothing big

Nothing strange

Just me and my family

Humor

Setting the stage

I feel so much lighter

A feather born to the wind

Like an unfinsihed message when i finally hit send

It was easier than I thought

Though I fretted all day

As i planned out just what to say

It was simple really

Metaphors and simlies

Commas and apostrophes

My eyliner smudged

As I wiped my tears

That washed away my fears

They did as I hoped

Said they loved me

No matter what

No ifs and of buts

So much love

And words of affection

They hugged me tight

Told me it was alright

I’m still me, but not as tight

**Beautiful and Broken**

Have I ever actually _Belonged_?

What does it mean anyway?

I am different than everyone else,

I have always known that,

But this…..

This is new.

I know its no big deal

Who I love

Or who I don’t

But i bottle it up inside

Wondering if i would still _*Belong*_.

I know some places I _*belong*_

And I know i can _*belong*_ anywhere

That i can make my home

But _*belonging*_ in a physical sense

Is much different than this

I _*belong*_ in daydreams

And a warm cup of tea

The steam that rises off of a bath

And sighs of relief

I _*belong*_ in a figurative sense

In everything beautiful

And Broken

I _*belong*_ in the cracked mirror

And the tired eyes of hope

In the late night thoughts

And tear soaked pillows

Because i _*belong*_ in everything

beautiful and broken

I _*belong*_ in my home

With my family

Because now they know the real me

So i don’t have to hide

Or be broken inside

And i know I_*belong*_

I _*belong*_ in my body

A safe haven

Though broken and bruised

It holds the hands that write these words

And houses the brain that thinks them

I _*belong*_ in everything beautiful and broken

The inbetween

The everything

I _*belong*_ where I see fit

I _*belong*_ in anything

Beautiful and broken

**Broken and Confused**

A frail body

Oggling at the world

Missing the warmth

Of the motherly womb

Scared of the new

Wishing to crawl back inside

Somewhere safe

Their home

Uttering a feeble sound

Unsure of how it came out

Longing for answers

Too questions they can’t yet ask

Wobbling legs

A limp shaking body

Wishing for relief

For everyone seems to be in awe

Its all feels so new

So sharp

Senses attacked

Stark contrast to their previous abode

Are we as humans

but glorified newborn animals

Forced into an environment

We do not long for?

Aren’t we both _broken_ and _confused_?

I’m fine

Now I eat less

My life is a mess

I’m under so much stress

I’m trying my best

But i never get rest

And I don’t feel very blessed

The voices inside

They eat me alive

Because good isn’t enough

And I can only hold so much

Before I explode

My soul implodes

All because I don’t know which roads

To go down

But I’m _fine_

I’m always _fine_

Thats a silly little saying of mine

A little white lie

That I say when I sigh

Because Its easier to be _Fine_

Than it is to be crying

Its easier to be _fine_

Than it is to be broken

And with only two words spoken

I hide the truth inside

The words of a thousand mouths

And all the thoughts that went south

It says in my head

Only to come out in bed

To haunt me with its rhymes

Because no I’m not _fine_

But how do I say that?

How can I let down the mask?

How can I not pretend,

If only for a moment,

And let people in

To see

The real me

The one who is not _Fine_

**I don’t know the last time I felt normal**

I am not sure

The last time

I felt

_Normal_

Matter of fact

what is

_normal_

anyway?

I am always in pain

Thoughts never stop

going through my brain

It never STOPS

My mind and my body

they ache

they creak

they scream for mercy

What is _normal_?

Is is calm?

Is it quiet?

Is it nice?

I really want to know

what _normal_ feels like

because i dont know

the last time i felt _normal_

Not since I was diagnosed

but no one understands

that i didnt cause it

No one gets

that sugar

wasnt the issue

and that i have a dead organ inside

I havent felt normal

not since My body decided to panic

And my sanity started to flee

Not since

I was tormented

By people my same age

That made me hate all people

One in the same

Not since I

Realized life isnt fair

And never will be

Not since my body

starting hating me

even though

I already hate myself

I dont know what _normal_ feels like

ever since normal

started to feel like

nothing at all

**It was all becoming real**

I am gonna be alone again

I voiced my fears but no one listened

I had been alone before

I knew the feeling

deep down

the dread of waking up in the morning

going another day by yourself

I knew i was becoming alone again

when they didnt pick up the phone

when they stopped texting back

When i became a distance memory

the feeling slowly creeped up on me

and sat on my shoulder for a while

I knew it was getting worse

When no one texted me anymore

When my best friend moved on

When all I felt was sorrow

Whenthat little feeling that sat on my shoulder

Had become one with my heart

I knew I was alone

When I cried all the time

When my only friend was my cousin

When I sat in the shower writing poetry

When I opted out of having a birthday party

because i didnt want it to get worse

I knew I was oh so alone

When people were to busy for me

When I was babysitting again

When I was scared to vent to my sole friend

in the fear she might leave me too

I knew it then

That it was all becoming real

Hope you guys enjoyed, tell me which one was your favorite!!!

(Also!!! Sorey that it is almost two thousand words.)