(Satirical piece)

A group of teenage boys were up in their treehouse, going on the internet. Each one was doing something different. Mikey was watching videos over BroBoy 69 and how his content is the best. “Yeah, BroBoy 69, play that new Call of Duty game while watching someone watch a video of someone watching that hilarious and viral video of someone eating a whole cake for 11 hours while taking a few 2 hour long breaks! You’re so awesome! YouTube keeps showing me your videos and videos saying how awesome you are, so you have to be objectively awesome!” shouted Mikey as he smiled widely and kept watching BroBoy 69. Craig was reading on the internet. “Hmmph. Interesting. It says here on Totally_Reliable_Sources.com that the reason why cats hate dogs is because cats are racist to how dogs look. Like, naturally. I’m gonna go on my Snapchat, totally won’t get lost for hours on my Stories and Spotlights, and send a post with text about this fact I just learned. I don’t think I’m going to have to argue with anyone over this, unlike last time whenI had to argue with someone over if Tom Green is in a vampire cult for celebrities that were only popular or funny in the 2000’s, which does explain why no one sees them around that much anymore,” said Craig matter-of-factly. Then, there was Bruce looking up the recent Air India Boeing 787 crash. “Oh, gosh. How awful to see this many people die. But what if one of those people’s names was Grug? I call it Air India Boeing 787 crash, Rhymes with Grug,” said Bruce in a Grug Crood voice, laughing to himself. “Ah, that’s funny. I need to make another ‘Rhymes With Grug’ meme over that one,” said Bruce as he got out a pencil from his pencil bag and a notebook from one of his pockets. He wrote down “Another Rhymes With Grug meme over Indian Plane crash” in the middle of the paper, above “Car Crashes With ‘Tung Tung Sahur’ Music Playing” and under “Guy Who Actually Has Sex with a Chicken on Pornhub While ‘Chicken Jockey’ is Said Over and Over Again.” The three boys were just sitting down, just having fun doing what they usually do up in their little treehouse in Bruce’s backyard, but what they didn’t know was that it was all going to change tonight. As they were all having fun, a man wearing a black sweatshirt with a hoodie, blue jeans, blue and white Nike shoes, black gloves, and a smiley face mask was coming to Bruce’s house while holding a knife in one hand and a gun in the other. Bruce’s mom was waiting by the front door for someone. She was tapping her right foot and crossing her arms. Then the doorbell suddenly rang. “Finally! I thought it was going to take forever,” said Bruce’s mom as she rolled her eyes and lowered her arms to her sides. She opened the door, letting the the black sweatshirt guy in, who didn’t have his gun nor his knife out but still had his mask on. “Okay, so you’re the guy, right? You’re the plumber?” asked Bruce’s mom. The man nodded his head. “Okay, okay. That’s good, but don’t expect more money because you showed up later for ‘quality service,’ okay? I mean, I don’t care how good you are at your job as long as you can still do plumbing stuff. You get what I’m trying to say to you?” asked Bruce’s mom, making sure he understood what she was saying. The man once again nods his head. “Great. Now, come with me,” said Bruce’s mom as she went up the stairs, wanting him to follow her to the upstairs bathroom. “So, the toilet’s been clogged for a few hours now. What happened was that Bruce and his friends were trying to do the same thing they saw a YouTuber do, which was to see how many things you could put in a toilet until it gets clogged and overflows. Well, what they realized was that……..” said Bruce’s mom as she opens the door to the bathroom, turns on the light, and walks in with the man. They both see a toilet with water on the floor coming from the toilet, which is stuffed with some rolls of toilet paper, a Lysol bottle, a few packs of flushable wipes, two big bottles of mouthwash, and several towels. “… is it takes that much to clog and overflow our toilet,” said Bruce’s mom as she points to the stuffed-up toilet. “Yeah, it sucks. I didn’t punish any of them, though. They’ve done this type of stuff before. I’ve tried punishing them several times, but it never works. They never learn. Now, that doesn’t mean I’m a bad mother. It just means that I have given up trying to make my son and his friends better because they choose not to be better. It’s not my fault. I’m a good parent. Good parent, but bad kid,” said Bruce’s mom trying to convince the man that she is a good mom as she nervously chuckles then just looks at him funny. “So, anyways, look, do whatever you have to do to fix this as I go ahead and do what I have to do to cope with the fact that my kid’s failed me, which is drink a whole bottle of wine in bed and cry myself to sleep,” said Bruce’s mom as she had her head down and sighed, walking out of the bathroom. The man closes the door before she can leave. “Oh, my god! What are you going to do to me? Don’t hurt me, please! I’m a mother, one of the few ones who actually looks good in her forties- I mean, mid-thirties. Stay back, please! Put that down! You should treat me how people treat me online whenever I post pictures of myself, which is all the time because I’m beautiful! Because I’m a ‘queen big booty Latina MILF goddess’ on the internet! Whatever that means! Not because of my self-loathing or alcoholism! Not that at-AHHHHHHHH!!” shouted Bruce’s mom as she got shot in the stomach repeatedly, got her head grabbed then repeatedly punched, her legs and arms constantly stabbed, and got punched in the face one more time until she almost fell to the floor. The man grabs her before she could fall on the wet bathroom floor. Her blood, dripping from the bullet holes in her stomach and the many cuts on her arms and legs, made the toilet water on the bathroom floor bloody red. As she continuously bleeds from her legs, stomach, arms, and even coughing out blood from her mouth, he drags her across the wet floor and opens the door. “Hey, what the hell‘s going on? You better not go on social media and say that I did this! Because I’ll get cancelled and lose followers and likes on my Facebook page!” shouted Bruce’s dad angrily. The man looked at Bruce’s dad, tilting his head with confusion. “That, and looking like a bad husband and a bad dad, of course. Especially online. Now, that would really suck,” said Bruce’s dad as he gets shot in the head and a knife also thrown at his head. Blood pours down all over his face, some of the blood getting in his mouth, and some of the blood going all the way down to his stomach. The blood keeps gushing from Bruce’s dad as the man grabs the knife’s handle from being stuck in his head. Bruce’s dad falls down as the blood continues pouring down his face, and spreads all over the upstairs floor. The masked man then throws Bruce’s mom’s dead, bleeding body onto Bruce’s dad’s bleeding, dead body. Then the man puts away his bloodied gun and knife and walks down the stairs. He has his hands in his pockets and is smiling behind his smiley face mask, which was mildly smeared in blood, as he walks down those steps. Then the man walks around downstairs, trying to find the door to the backyard. When he finds the door, he unlocks it, and opens it, moving into the back yard. He then sees the treehouse at the top of the only tree in the relatively small backyard, and pulls out his knife and gun, chuckling to himself. Craig was walking around the treehouse, trying to look around out of curiosity. “Hey guys, two quick questions. First, why are we always outside when we are still on our phones. And secondly, why is there a guy in a smiley face mask, holding both a gun and knife, in front of our treehouse? Oh, and another question, why is this guy pointing his gun up at us?” asked Craig, confused and concerned. Bruce was still thinking of making memes and Mikey was still watching BroBoy69, so neither of them were actually paying attention. “Sorry, what, man?” said Mikey and Bruce simultaneously, looking like they had no idea what was going on. “Okay, guys, seriously. Don’t you both think it’s a little ridiculous that neither of you can hear-Owwwwww!” shouted Craig as he is shot and falls down to the floor of the treehouse. The man keeps shooting at the treehouse, causing Bruce and Mikey to get down and help Craig. “Thanks, guys. I think I need to go to the hospiiiiiiiitttttttttt………” said Craig as he slowly got lightheaded from blood loss as Bruce was grabbing onto him. Mikey climbs down from the treehouse to the grass on the other side, where the man couldn’t see him. Bruce was holding Craig and dropped him so that Mikey could catch him, since Mikey was strong enough to catch and carry one of his friends. Mikey caught Craig and carried him on his back. Then Bruce climbed down, and the three friends ran off. The man kept shooting at the treehouse until he ran out of bullets so he dropped the gun, which was okay since the treehouse collapsed into many pieces as he dropped it. Then the man decided to get out a box of matches, opened it, got out one and struck it against its matchbox. The match ignites, and he throws it to where various pieces of the treehouse were, causing a small fire to occur. “Do you think he sees us?”asked Mikey as he and his friends were hiding in one of the bushes. Bruce didn’t know, so he checked to see if the man was still there. The man vanished. “Well, okay. I think that crazy jackass is finally off our bac-AHHHHHH!” shouted Bruce as he and Mikey were terrified seeing the man with them in the bush. “Ha! Got ya, cute pricks!” shouted the man. Bruce and Mikey were confused so they touched the sweater and mask, seeing that it was only the sweater and mask in the bush with them. Then they heard the man say, “Guys, I think this is the best prank ever! My name is BroBoy69, and I just lied that I was a plumber so I could really kill this kid’s parents, shoot one of his friends, destroy and burn his treehouse, just so I could trick him and his friends into hiding in that bush, where they would get jumpscared, thinking it was a crazed killer, me! BPE! Right, boys I just possibly traumatized?” asked BroBoy69 as they all came out of the bush to see him. Bruce looked confused while Mikey was excitedly nodding and got Craig off of his back. “Exactly, kid I don’t know, but who is still a good consumer. Please, like and subscribe” said BroBoy69 enthusiastically.

Bruce and Mikey were confused, even scarred over this, and all they could do was cry……….tears of laughter as they check their phone for their video.