Alakazar was the biggest baddest dragon in all the lands. He terrorized all the local villages to the point where they paid him tributes in gold. All other dragons in the world paled in comparison... But Alakazar was just his stage name. His real name was Boris... and he was entering the most difficult part of his adult dragon life. . . Middle aged fatherhood.

One morning Boris was grunting and groaning and having a real hard time waking up, while his wife Julie was boiling up a vat of coffee with her dragon's breath. Their kid, Boris Jr. Was in the northern part of their mountain home, watching a kids cartoon that the humans liked to watch. This one was something about a blue dog solving mysteries. Boris grumbled as he stumbled over to the coffee vat and fixed himself up a barrel of coffee.

"Morning dear." Julie the dragon greeted him.

Boris grumbled then took a sip of coffee. Then came an earthquake as the dragon roared violently. "OW!"

"Ow? Is that tooth bothering you again!?" Julie asked.

"OBVIOUSLY!" Boris snapped back. "Im telling you I think I got a femur stuck in my gums from that village I raided last week! I knew those humans were boney! Gah, I shoulda just went somewhere else for lunch!"

"You know, Between your tooth, and your back problems, and that one time you sneezed 200 times in a row a few weeks back.. I think its time you had a check up. You're getting due anyways."

"The doctor!? Oh not THIS again! I just went!" Boris protested.

"Now hun, That was a year ago. Come on you have little Boris Jr to think about now. This family needs you in great health. If you're not out there playing Alakazar than that means I gotta go pick up a job at a windfarm."

"No wife of mine is gonna work!" Boris stamped his foot.

"Then you'll see the doctor." Julie smirked.

Boris grumbled and muttered lowly in defeat. "Fine. Ill make an appointment."

Two weeks later Boris had his appointment at the Total Practical Fantasy Clinic (TPFC) with the family doctor, With Doctor Wilbur. The entire place was in a far unreachable island, and it was massive for human standards. The doors were large enough that even Boris could fit through them as a towering dragon. Although he was one of the bigger patients... He was not the biggest. Other patrons ranged from blobs of ooze to wizards to these weird ill tempered things called 'Owlbears'.

Boris made his way to reception and checked in. he was specifically warned not to brethe fire in the clinic by the centaur nurse.

Then came the long wait. He sat down on a large rock towards the back of the lobby. There were regular sized human chairs and a human sized coffee table with books, but to Boris, they were smaller than a single claw. He couldnt pick up the magazines and read them, he couldnt watch their tiny tv that was playing 'The Price Is Right'. All he could do was sit and wait.

His appointment was for 9:15AM. Of course he had gotten there at 9... and it was now 9:45. This seemed to happen every time he was forced to come here. He knew if he was running the office the timeframe would be respected. No one questioned Alakazar after all.

The nurse came out and finally called Boris forth. Then she took his measurments... Using a giant step ladder and cargo scale... and then led him to the patient's room. This one was a special one designed for large creatures. It had a scaffolding with an elevator so the doctor could get up to eye level with the patient easily. And the thing about Doctor Wilbur was that he was tiny. Comically tiny to Boris, because Wilbur was a garden knome.

The door flew open with force and a tiny little bug waddled into the room, wearing a bright red stocking cap hat and sporting a full white beard. In a voice that sounded completely normal for the room dispite his tiny size, Doctor Wilbur said "Alakazar! King of Dragons! Good to see you again! How's Julie and Junior?"

Boris shrugged. "They are fine... You know Julie. She insisted I go in for a check up."

The little knome got in the elevator and rode it up to the top. Then he sat behind a computer desk and began typing something up on a computer. "Yep yep... looks like its been 57 weeks since your last visit. Over a year ago. You really should come see me every 6 months."

"Yeah yeah, can you just sign the paper so I can get back to work?"

"Well Id better have a look at you first."

The little knome hopped off his chair and walked to the edge of the catwalk where there was a telescope. Ge adjusted it accordingly. "Alright, open your mouth and say Ahh."

Boris opened his mouth and out came an insane inferno of flames that licked every surface of the room and blackened the walls slightly. Doctor Wilbur, and all of his belongings, including the computer, remained unphased.

Doctor Wilbur chuckled. "Im so glad we got those fireproof, magic proof, ice proof, rooms added on to the building. Anyways... Turn your head to the left, lemmie see your ears."

Boris did so, and then the right ear. Then Doctor Wilbur Operated a crane with a large circular magnet attached. He used it as a stethescope on the dragon. He affixed it to Boris's chest and then ordered him to caugh.

The entire building shook. The centaur nurse stuck her head in and rudely asked "Do you mind!? You're upsetting the other patients!" Then shut the door.

"Oh dont worry about her, she's been working overtime." Doctor Wilbur said. "Now as far as your health goes, you seem fine to me. Any problems?"

"Well My back hurts like hell, I got a tooth ache, I am always sore when I get home and I sneeze a lot."

"Sounds like regular middle aged dragon symptoms. I wouldnt say theres anything out of line there. Go find a dragon without those problems heheh." Doctor Wilbur laughed. He then made his way into the elevator and back down to the floor. Once there he added "If you'd have come in here saying you couldnt breathe fire, or you didnt want treasure, or someone stabbed you in the heart with a dagger... Then id be a little concern. But you're fine, go tell Julie I give you a clean bill. But I want to see you back here in 6 months okay!? No exceptions. Ill tell the nurse to set the appointment. Now I gotta run, lots of patients today."

Then the nurse came back in. "Alright Mister Alakazar, Boris, whatever you want to be called, ill lead you back to reception. Your fee today is 500,000 gold pieces."

"500,000!?" Boris roared. "He was only in here for five minutes! He hardly did anything. all he did was tell me Im fine! You got me waiting in there for a half hour longer than I should have, you take me back here and thats all the time I get!? And now you want to charge me 500,000!? This is robbery!"

"Call it whatever you like Mister Boris but if you refuse to pay we will have to report you." The Centaur Nurse said, unamused.

"FINE! Ill pay!" Boris shouted. Then as they left the room he mumbled to himself "And then they want me back in 6 months to squeeze me again. Even when there's nothing wrong with me. What a rip off."